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Thursday, February 11, 2016

Stronger together


At the end of March...I will be married to Kobus for 37 years...considering that I married at the tender age of 18, that is a lifetime. We have had our good times and we have had our difficult times.  Marriage is hard work and it is all about 100%/100%.  Only divorce is 50/50.  Our first years together he worked for a large retail store that demanded long work days from 7 in the morning until late at night.  Those where the days our children were small and it was often a lonely road to walk.

By the grace of God our marriage is strong and we are still very much in love.  We have faced many difficult and traumatic times...but because of our faith and because we are there for each other we could "DO IT".  One of our most traumatic times were when our youngest son was very ill as a young boy of 13.  We nearly lost him.  I blogged about it here.(..to understand please go and read.)  There has also been times in the past 18 years that we have been in full time ministry that I would have packed it all in...but together we are stronger...we can "DO IT".

Last week I hit a serious slump.
We are thinly spread at the mission where counselors are concerned...but we can face it together.
There is a bit of tension with my eldest's wife...but we can face it together.
Wynand is struggling once again to eat and he also struggles to sleep because of reflux issues.  He has seen the specialists and needs to go for an operation urgently.  It is going to be a big operation and he will be hospitalised for at least a week....but we can face it together.

...then suddenly there was a shift...and it didn't feel as if we had it together anymore.
It felt as if my input at the Mission were no longer valued or considered.
My husband was making all the decisions and I felt useless.
I was overwhelmed.
I no longer knew what my role was at the Mission...surely it is more than being just a glorified bookkeeper?
...just like that it all became too much...and the blues hit hard.

In moments like this you know that it is time to sit down for that serious talk.  The problem is how to tackle it without it blowing into a huge fight?  How to share those feelings in a way that will be understood. I fell into silence (something I am prone to when I am overwhelmed).  I prayed a lot.  I didn't know how to handle this without making it sound like an attack.  On Sunday we went for a long lunch at one of our favourite restaurants and I opened up about my feelings...about my inability to cope when we aren't "in it together".  I realised once again that marriage is based on love, being best friends and being able to communicate.  I am thankful that I am married to my best friend.  With him I can face what life throws at us...because together we are stronger.

xx

19 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this inspirational post Lynette. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. hugs xo

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  2. Oh my friend, I am praying with you that all the issues will be resolved. And I love that you mention the 100% 100% thing because honestly that is the crux of it.

    How true - that together we can face anything. So glad you were able to talk and get it all together again.

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  3. An awesome dedication to a precious relationship xxx
    Hugs
    Desíre
    {Doing Life – my personal blog}

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  4. Phew! I think the worst thing is if you think you cannot talk. That is more paralysing - the fear of what will happen if you open up & they do not 'get it' - than anything else. So double PHEW! Just makes you realise what a good man you have, eh? The rest - it will all work out, I'm sure. Long as you're on the Same Team, right?!! First step....done....now to tackle the rest:) And your poor lad....hope the operation is soon and that he gets through it all easy peasy..... let us know when it is so we can pray, yes?? Take care xo

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  5. Thank you for your honest sharing, and I went back and read about your son and his surgery.. Where would we be without prayer and praying friends?? I have been involved in prayer chains in emergency situations and I can say how feeble and weak I have felt when praying but God takes that.. He is listening for the desperate plea, the whispered appeal, the heart breaking groans.. Loved the scripture you got for your son, and I believe when we pray scripture there is a shift in the moments. I heard a phrase once that said the future belongs to the intercessors.. Wow, if we can only get a handle on that.. we can change the pathway ahead.. Well done on your long marriage, it is not a bed of roses, unless you are counting the thorns, it is not a fairy tale but very real. So glad you were able to talk, I tend to go silent too in the midst of struggle, but thank God He sees me and gets it.. And I pray you will hold each others hand and never let go in the many more years ahead.. come what may.. blessings, grace and peace.. from across the seas...xx

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  6. I am sorry to hear that he is facing surgery again - sending love and prayers that it all works out! And sorry to hear that you have been struggling -- hugs, love and extra prayers for you! So glad you were able to talk it out recently ... that is the best solution :)

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  7. God's grace is sufficient. Thanks for sharing your heart and your struggles along with the love your family shares. So glad you were able to talk things out. We'll be married 34 years this summer, and I can relate to the need for open communication to express our hurts so we can move forward again. Yes 100% must be given on both sides for a lasting marriage. I'll be praying for Wynand as he faces another surgery and for your family as you move ahead in your relationships and ministry.

    Thanks for your lovely comment on my Scripture art journal. I look forward to seeing you get started with an art journal. I'm sure to be inspired by your beautiful work. ~ Blessings, Tracey

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  8. Oh my, yes, marriage is hard work but so worth it. Dan and I have one night each week that we talk about important things. It works great for us because I know I'll have my chance to vent and because I don't have to nag all week. 😊 and vice versa. Neither of us likes conflict, so this is perfect for us. I'll keep your family in prayer as you face some trying issues. Hugs.

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  9. I believe that all the problems are resolved, because you will not only spouses, but also friends.

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  10. I love your testimony and your great example of a strong Godly marriage xxx

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  11. Thank you for sharing with so much honesty.You have a good man and you had the courage to open up and share your feelings with him. And of course our mighty God had something to do with it as well.
    I'm sorry to hear Wynand is facing more surgery.(I read your blog about his previous health problems) We will pray for him.
    Big hug,
    Lisca

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  12. Happy Anniversary Lynette! Kobus is a great guy. Marriage is not all easy but working through things is so worthwhile. I met Shane at 17 and things were up and down in the early years but we learnt to understand each other and our love grows every year. Such a pity so few people get to experience what God intended for us. Hope you are feeling happy and positive again xx

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  13. I hope the talk helped Lynette. This is often when D and I have moments - when he feels "left out" or I feel "left out". Just recently we had a discussion about being on the same team. As long as you can talk and work through it, you will be ok!!

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  14. I think all marriages have ups and downs and moment like this where we doubt ourselves, doubt each others, but I think once we have the same belief that we can be disagree because we are different, and we know that these differences is small compared to the love we have for each other, and that we will have each other for life no matter what, that will make the difficult time a lot easier to take. (Easier said then done, I know, during the time when we are down, we don't usually think straight, I am one, so I know). Big cyber hug to you today!

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  15. You are so right that marriage is only truly right when it is 100%/100%. And remembering that when one side or the other falls below, as each is destined to do, it is the most important thing to work on that and bring that strong balance back. With God's help and through his grace, strong marriages are a blessing to more than the 2 involved.

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  16. Marriage is certainly give and take and those percentages vary from day to day! LOL
    But when you have a keeper...you hold on with both hands and accept the good with the not so pretty!! Thanks for sharing this post....it has made me think!!!! xx

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  17. Hi Lynette , this is the second time I am reading this post and like the first time I wasnt sure what to say.... so thanks for sharing your personal posts always make me think and do a bit of self examination , even if I dont always comment! Take care

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  18. Thank you for sharing! I have been married for almost 44 years to my best friend and certainly agree that marriage is 100%/100%! So glad that God has helped along the way and feel blessed to be with my true love! Hugs

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  19. So wonderful,how,you lean on your faith and each other!

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