Thursday, February 11, 2016
At the end of March...I will be married to Kobus for 37 years...considering that I married at the tender age of 18, that is a lifetime. We have had our good times and we have had our difficult times. Marriage is hard work and it is all about 100%/100%. Only divorce is 50/50. Our first years together he worked for a large retail store that demanded long work days from 7 in the morning until late at night. Those where the days our children were small and it was often a lonely road to walk.
By the grace of God our marriage is strong and we are still very much in love. We have faced many difficult and traumatic times...but because of our faith and because we are there for each other we could "DO IT". One of our most traumatic times were when our youngest son was very ill as a young boy of 13. We nearly lost him. I blogged about it here.(..to understand please go and read.) There has also been times in the past 18 years that we have been in full time ministry that I would have packed it all in...but together we are stronger...we can "DO IT".
Last week I hit a serious slump.
We are thinly spread at the mission where counselors are concerned...but we can face it together.
There is a bit of tension with my eldest's wife...but we can face it together.
Wynand is struggling once again to eat and he also struggles to sleep because of reflux issues. He has seen the specialists and needs to go for an operation urgently. It is going to be a big operation and he will be hospitalised for at least a week....but we can face it together.
...then suddenly there was a shift...and it didn't feel as if we had it together anymore.
It felt as if my input at the Mission were no longer valued or considered.
My husband was making all the decisions and I felt useless.
I was overwhelmed.
I no longer knew what my role was at the Mission...surely it is more than being just a glorified bookkeeper?
...just like that it all became too much...and the blues hit hard.
In moments like this you know that it is time to sit down for that serious talk. The problem is how to tackle it without it blowing into a huge fight? How to share those feelings in a way that will be understood. I fell into silence (something I am prone to when I am overwhelmed). I prayed a lot. I didn't know how to handle this without making it sound like an attack. On Sunday we went for a long lunch at one of our favourite restaurants and I opened up about my feelings...about my inability to cope when we aren't "in it together". I realised once again that marriage is based on love, being best friends and being able to communicate. I am thankful that I am married to my best friend. With him I can face what life throws at us...because together we are stronger.