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Wednesday, June 25, 2014

I must confess...the hardest thing...


I have been busy writing a post about "what defines me"  Not quite ready to post it yet...so I am playing along with Laura...who is playing along with Kirsty of My Home Truths.  Confessing the hardest thing you have had to do in your life.

As a woman we wear many hats. I guess I don't need to tell you that. You all know the vastly different roles we play. I have always been a tiger mommy when it comes to my children. I wasn't 19 yet when Kobus Jr was born and by the time I was 21 I was mommy to Wynand too. Bianca became part of our family when she was 16 months old and is proof that a child grows in the heart and not necessarily in blood.  We tend to think that the challenging years are those during childhood. WRONG!  We tend to think that once the children are grown up and married and leading life away from home things will become plain sailing.  WRONG again!   Well wrong...unless you aren't very involved in your children's lives.

We face many challenges throughout our lives...and we make mistakes and choices we regret and those we rejoice in.  I cannot single out one particular thing that was hard for me...but what happened in 2010 was the most challenging and hardest time of our lives.  Something we didn't have any control over and something we never ever want to repeat.

 Wynand, Nadia and Lukas

In January 2010 Wynand told us that he has had loss of vision in his one eye after having a terrible "migraine" that lasted two days.  After a lot of scans, tests etc...we were told that Wynand had a malformation of arteries that leads directly into his eyes. The partial loss of vision was due to an artery rupturing and bleed into his brain.  In his case it was inoperable as the outcome would leave him in a worse condition.  We were told that he will have to "live with it" and that it would not kill him but could lead to blindness. In March 2010 Wynand had another brain bleed that left him completely blind.  He could no longer take care of his business and because he had a family to support, his father just took that task onto himself.

Kobus, Lache, Leane, Dewan and Juan.

During March 2010 our oldest son moved back home. His marriage had failed...and he was keenly aware that he failed his two little ones. I am honest if I say that we took this in our stride...compared to what was happening in Wynand's life, this was small.  Suddenly we had little ones staying over every Wednesday night and every second weekend.

Bianca and Stefan.

In June 2010 our hearts were dealt another blow when we woke up one morning to find that our daughter had cleaned out her entire room and had disappeared during the night.  We had no idea why she left and where she had gone to.  She wasn't answering her cell phone. We had to wait for the appropriate period of hours to pass before we could report her as missing.

I cannot begin to tell you about the fear, the worry...how much we cried...how much we prayed.

Today, Wynand functions normally despite the fact that the doctors said that he wouldn't regain his vision.  Kobus have remarried his wife and they have had another baby.  Bianca returned home after more than a year.  God has carried us through the most awful time of our lives.  If I look back I can honestly say that if we didn't have God to cling to I don't know how we would have survived.  He held us together when we were falling apart.

So tell me...what is the hardest thing you have had to do...or live through?

xxx

31 comments:

  1. Hi lynette...eks terug! Jou scrapping is pragtig...nogsteeds en jou daaglikse inskrywings nogsteecs vol hoop en inspirasie. Ons het verhuis....groot besluit en opofferinge daarmee gepaard. Maar soos jy se en ons weet dra die Here ons deur alles. lekker dag!

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    1. Welkom terug Tania...ek hoop om spoedig 'n "update" op jou blog te lees.

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  2. My goodness, I really do not think I would be capable of doing all that you have just talked about, however having said that, we never know how strong we are until being strong is all we can be... I am blessed to have my children, husband and my parents around me at this point of time.. I do not take anything for granted.. My dad has had heart problems for over 30 years, my mum has been through cancer. My second DD has been through a terrible de-facto breakup.. I have had to deal with health issues since I was 11. but as I sit here and think about the some of the hardest things I have ever had to do, I always think of when I had to say goodbye to my horse that I had for 32 years. She was not able to get up from laying down and the time had come to see her released from her pain.. I held her close as the vet administered the injection, I cradled her head in my arms as she breathed her last, and even now I am in tears typing this.. I miss her so much even though it is 10 years this year since she left me.. I was so blessed to have had her for so long and there was not much time we were apart. She came with me when I married and moved when I moved.. This may not sound like much to anyone else, but this was such a hard thing to do.. Only God knows what is around the corner for each of us, and like you, without Him, I would not be able to walk on in life..

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    1. I can just imagine the anguish you felt when you lost your horse after so many years...I would be devastated too. It is true...we never know how strong we are until being strong is all we can be. We have grown tremendously in our faith through the trails we have gone through...but I will never be able to say that I welcome trails into my life. If I look at the miracle of Wynand seeing, of Kobus' marriage being restored and our relationship with Bianca being restored and emotions healed...I know that our God is a miracle working God...I have seen His hand in our lives.

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  3. Wow! Tough times! I remember them because you shared it here! It usually has to do with our children...
    I also went through one of the toughest times in my life when my teen wanted to go and stay with her dad, but she did not fully understand the situation! Luckily we found many angels on the way!

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    1. Isn't it strange that our difficult times are usually linked with our children and their happiness.

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  4. Hey girl....wow...you always seem to evoke something in me...and reading this post, I am once again really thinking about what you had shared. I am, firstly, so pleased that things have worked out with your children and that they are hopefully now on their "happy" paths. I left home at 23, even though my parents were unhappy about it and I moved to England with my partner. We were married and my parents and brother were at my wedding! It was beautiful. I lived in England for 6 years before my husband and I decided that we did not want the same things anymore. I had never ever thought that I was going to get divorced and it happened!!!! It was a really horrible and uncertain time in my life...just because it meant so much change and becuase I really wanted to come back home! My ex-husband was a really good man and we did not part on bad terms at all. We remained friends after for many years, until he immigrated to New Zealand. I returned home and started my life over and then 8 years later I got married and had my son. It certainly wasn't easy....but what a learning curve and I really did grab the opportunity to learn about myself and met a wonderful lady in the process. She was one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I am truly greatful for her friendship and time, until she passed away. She helped me become the person I am today! So I guess, things happen the way they are meant to...and there is always something positive that comes out of a difficult situation! Today.....life is good and I am truly blessed! x

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    1. Denise, thank your for sharing your journey here. I can imagine that a divorce after 6 years are as bad as death. I am happy for you that you met your happily after when you returned to South Africa. xx

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  5. You are the strongest woman I know ... to go through all that with your children and still hold them, yourself and hubby together, is a true act of faith .... And here is a first that I have never shared online before :) When I was 17 I was pregnant and had a son 22 days after my 18th birthday -- and I gave him up for adoption ... hardest thing I have ever done in my life -- but he has an amazing life with his adopted family. There has been MANY "what-ifs" throughout my adult life about my decision ... but in the end, we both ended up where we needed to be :)

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    1. Without the Lord it would be impossible..when we are weak He is strong. Thank you for sharing such an intimate detail of your life. I can imagine how hard that must have been for you...and I know that Bianca's birth mother found it as difficult. I salute you for making a good decision for the future of your son. xx

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  6. Gosh, that must have been an INCREDIBLY emotionally draining year. I can't even imagine three such big things happening all at once.

    It's true what you say that at periods like that, we CLING to our God and pray so much harder than ever. I know I did last year!

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    1. Yes...you had a bad year last year...but God carried you through. I have a lot of grey hairs and quite a few worry wrinkles to show for that awful year. xx

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  7. My friend! What an awesome story about God's providence.
    I hope you were able to work through why Bianca left.

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    1. God is good...all the time :-)

      Yes, we worked through all the issues. She calls it the "time that she lost her mind". She was confused. Wanted to meet her biological father. Was angry with her biological mother...and angry with us because we are in ministry and she always felt she couldn't measure up. She got into the wrong crowd, played around with some seriously mess up stuff and just got more angry. We were unable to do anything except love her unconditionally. When she found out she was pregnant, she came home, went for deliverance and inner healing and today she is an absolute pleasure to have in the house.

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  8. I remember that year vividly. I remember thinking 'how much more must this family face' as blow after blow came your way. It is such a testimony to your faith and strength as a couple and to His Faithfulness in each area of our lives. I love that there was truly a happy ending in each scenario. Wow. Cant believe its been 4 years!

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    1. I always say that 2010 will not be remembered by me as the year that SA hosted the World Cup.

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  9. Gosh my friend. I didn't realise all that happened in the same year :(( What an emotional roller coaster ride for you all!

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  10. Not a year you would want to repeat in any shape or form. I've had the 'usual' [or so it seems!] - the miscarriage, the failed marriage......but hey, what doesn't break us makes us stronger & I absolutely & totally believe it when the Bible tells us that God will NOT give us more than he knows we can endure. And if God thinks we CAN...then we CAN!!!

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  11. Lynette. God have for sure carried you all through this. This is such a big and hard thing that have happened to you all.
    At the moment, me and my family are living with something hard and heavy. For the last 10 years already and it's still continuing. We are tired, but we pray & pray and pray. That's how we cope. If you are interested, I can email you about it.

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    1. God is bigger than our problems Marleen. You are welcome to email me.

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  12. Wow...that's a whopper of a year! I bet your family came through it closer than ever though.

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    1. Louisa...our family has normal family dynamics...as much as we love each or our children, in-law children and grandchildren...that still does not mean that they want to get along with each other. Sad, but true.

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  13. I can so hear you, feel you Lynette, I have learn that life isn't fairy tales after many ups and downs, a lot of time I have to remind myself to focus on gratitude instead of dwelling on all the blues.

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  14. You truly are an inspiration and I am so happy that I have "met" you!!! What a year 2010 was and only God could have gotten you and your family through that in one piece.

    My hardest "things" are from my childhood which still haunt and sometimes the devil takes hold of them and tries to derail but God is good and faithful and fortunately I have been able to carve a different path for my marriage and my son's life which is very different so thankfully I did learn from the mistakes of my parents.

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  15. I think I started reading your blog around that time. I remember one post that you wrote about Wynand where you ask why it could not be you because you had already had a full life. Sjoe. I cried buckets when reading that. But yes, you got through your annus horribilis. By the grace of God.

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  16. I will never forget that year you had - it was harrowing on all accounts. For me up to now it was the twin pregnancy and first 3 months - 2007 but this year is challenging it already

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  17. What a year of anguish! I had a very rough patch when I was a young woman. Widowed at 20 and the loss of my child shortly after. But God indeed used my pain to be able to minister to young women later in my life. Without those life experiences, they probably would not have trusted my counsel. Thanks for sharing and helping us focus on our need to trust God through everything.

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  19. Oh my goodness, Lynette. Thank you for sharing your wonderful faith in God with all of us.

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  20. You have been through some seriously tough times Lynette!! Phew!!! I have had a big struggle with my original family too & dealing with my married into family is also a constant challenge.

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  21. Very moving to read your story and the comments , hard to find the right words to respond...

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