I have warned you in my title that this will not be a light post...so continue reading at your own risk.
Gosh...I am SO tired today. We started with a LTS (leadership training school) at the Mission this week. The training school runs for 5 weeks and the class is two hours each morning. We are trusting the Lord for a breakthrough in the lives of the leaders at the Mission. This first week all the lessons are about "Our relationship with God." We have had wonderful teachings by well known speakers: ie Myles Munroe's Fearfully and Wonderfully made, Louie Giglio's teaching on "How great is our God" and "Indescribable". Floyd McClung's "Fatherheart of God". It has been awesome and even this early in the course we see how the Lord is touching hearts.
Today was my turn to give a teaching. My subject was "The work and the way of the cross" and "The importance of Forgiveness". I got teachings by John Arnott and Bob Mumford to use as a base for the teaching.
By last night my teaching was polished.
True to the Word.
It was Bob Mumford's teaching.
This morning at 5 'o clock I was wide awake. I knew that the Lord woke me up. So I prayed... and waited to hear His voice. He told me that the teaching that I prepared was all good and well...but it wasn't what He wanted. He doesn't want the Bob Mumford version of the teaching. He wants MY version of the teaching. He wants me to tell the people about my walk with Him. He wanted me to share the things that kept me back from growing in my walk. He wanted me to tell them my testimony of learning the Father Heart of God and my dysfunctional walk with my natural father. Really? I was totally rattled. There was no time to prepare. Before the class began the facilitators got together and I told them what had happened and that I don't know what was going to happen when I give the teaching. They prayed for me. For the peace of God and for me to be an instrument through which He can work. While we were singing a worship song I felt how my legs were shaking and I wanted to take off my shoes because I was really afraid that I would fall on my face.
Then I was sharing and the Lord just took over. It was emotional. It was right from my heart. He gave me the courage to share my story without breaking down. There was a lot of tears (snot en trane...but not from me). I know that I heard correctly. I just had to see the fruit of the message. You see, when the people that are in our care look at us they think our lives have always been picture perfect. That we have never known pain, hurt and brokenness. That we don't REALLY understand what they have gone through. That we never had to forgive people who have hurt us terribly. My story showed them that they are wrong, that we all deal with hurts, that we all have a journey. When we become vulnerable and share from our heart it leads them to know that there is hope for them too.
I feel emotionally drained and I could sleep for two days. I have forgotten how much energy it takes to make yourself vulnerable and just be real.