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Monday, March 25, 2013

Digging yourself a hole



In Afrikaans we have a lovely saying...."slim vang sy baas"....translated it means that sometimes we are just too clever for our own good and we get caught in our own "cleverness".  Last week this became so very true for myself.

For nearly ten years I have been living with pain.  In 2003 the diagnosis was Fibromyalgia and at the time very little was known about it apart from the fact that people who have it, have a high tendency to suffer from inflammation in the soft connective tissue of the muscles.  Muscles then go into spasm and inflammation can be so severe that it feels as if you have very bad flu symptoms that include fever.

A year ago a neurologist changed the diagnosis to Myofacial pain Syndrome and at the time prescribed medication that acts as pain blockers. HALLELUJA.... IT WORKED!.....and for the past year I have been pain free.  When you have constant pain you tend to have a very high pain threshold and you just soldier on regardless.  Do you have any idea how quickly you forget and become used to having no pain?  I mean...seriously...it is the norm isn't it?

So this month when I needed to have my chronic medication prescription filled...I was clever...and I didn't get my medication.  Because maybe I don't need it anymore?  Or maybe I am healed?  Who knows what I thought.

I woke up on Wednesday morning...and it felt as if an elephant was sitting on my chest....I couldn't breathe.  All the muscles in my neck, shoulders and chest were in spasm.   I couldn't lift my head...it felt too heavy for my body.  So I made my next "clever" decision...I rolled out of bed, got into my exercise clothes and dragged my body onto the treadmill...I was going to exercise it away!!!!  After 5 kilometers my energy was spent...and I was still in agony. I wanted to curl up and die.  I couldn't tell DH!  I mean seriously, how do I explain my stupidity?

I tried pain medication and it didn't work!  Within hours I was stripped of all my joy and positive attitude. It was replaced with self pity.  Do you know how short your fuse is when you are in pain?  How little patience you have? How intolerant you become?   By the afternoon my darling husband and I had a huge argument about something silly that I can't even remember.(and he still didn't know why I was behaving the way I did).   All I wanted to do was find a sunny spot to curl up in and cry my eyes out.  AND I DID IT ALL TO MYSELF.  Unbelievable!

Today is the first day that I feel normal....and I promised myself never to be my own doctor again.

Have you ever been too clever for your own good?  Has it come back to haunt you?

xx


21 comments:

  1. Oh, I'm so glad you're feeling better! And yes, I've done that many times but I block it out so I can still feel clever :) :)

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    1. LOL! I feel dumb...to have fallen into this trap...not clever at all.

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  2. I still have a hard time reaching out and asking for help of any kind ... so I totally get it :) I hope you are feeling better now!! LOVING the new header!!!

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  3. "Have you ever been too clever for your own good?" Yes - this is familiar. Especially for my mother, she also lyuit heal itself, and abolish the prescribed drugs, as soon as she was better. But it's better because it became, because taking drugs, and they should be taken as prescribed by a doctor.
    And I like the new blog header. Show you how to do it, I can not.

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  4. LOL...I hear you loud and clear. I too think I am very clever. Maybe it's denial? Two years ago I went off my asthma meds. I felt that the Dr overreacted. Needless to say I had a serious asthma attack. And don't forget the time when I went off my anti-depressants because I figured that I had been so happy for the longest time that I no longer needed them!

    What you talk about in this post is very common. Sometimes our minds play tricks on us. Am happy that you are feeling better. xoxo

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    1. I was on an anti-depressant a few years ago that was supposed to act as a pain blocker...it didn't work and I just stopped taking the meds...I seriously had brain shocks and terrible mood swings. So this "cleverness" of mine is a repeat offense.

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  5. I have never done anything like that * wink * wink* lol! I am the Queen of clever! I always think I know best, and it always comes back to bite me in the rear, so now that I am in my "older" years I think that is the biggest lesson I have learned....never think you know it all! I tell my friends I know just enough to be dangerous! ha! But truthfully I am glad you are better and so glad that the pain meds are so effecive for you! Happy Easter!

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  6. Lisa - you make me laugh! Lynette, you are not alone - I believe we all have done such things! I am glad to hear that you are feeling better! Sending hugs your way! Happy Easter!

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  7. LOL @ Lynette....we all do it...so don't feel alone!!! Just glad you are feeling better! ;-)

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  8. So glad you are all better. I catch myself out with my IBS all the time - forget about it when it goes well, do not take my probiotics, eat a salad and drama results.

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    1. Sjoe my friend. I seriously suffered. I can't believe that I lived with that level of pain for 8 years and continued with life as normal.

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  9. Yip, been "too clever for my own good" before....
    If my parents were to be beleived then that is how I spent most of my teenage years.....

    Glad you are feeling more like yourself again.

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  10. Ek weet presies waarvan jy praat. I too have been too clever for my own goodwill and came out second. Well, I have learned from my mistakes though.
    Glad you are feeling better.

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  11. Ai tog vriendin, so bly jy voel darem weer beter. Ek 'vergeet' gereeld my medikasie as die lewe so besig raak, net om tot stilstand geruk te word wanneer ek nie meer kan asem haal nie. Jy kan my niks vertel van slim vang sy baas nie, ek dink dis oorspronklik op my van toepassing.

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  12. I think that you should keep this as a reminder!
    Sorry to hear about the pain! I would not be able to function at all!
    Why can't you share it with your husband?

    Glad to hear that the medication kicked in again!

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    1. Karen, I eventually told my husband what I did and he wasn't amused. He is always concerned about me and I don't like him to worry. On top of that what I did was pretty dumb and owning up to it really hurt my pride ;-D

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  13. Glad to hear that you are feeling better. I take a medication daily and several years ago I did something similar.....decided I didn't need it anymore! Dumb! Well, it didn't take long before I was proven wrong.....my DH was very upset with me, and needless to say, I take my medication daily. A hard lesson to learn! Take care of yourself.

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  14. I am glad you are feeling much better.... your post may indeed help others who find themselves in the same situation. I hope you continue on a path of feeling much better...
    Too good for our own good, I think we all have walked that path, I could put my hand up to a number of occasions. Ooops!

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  15. Sorry to hear that you are in pain Lynette, I hope you do get better soon! Hugs.....

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  16. Oh dear! I am so sorry! Yes, I have done the same thing...but with medication for depression. I tried to be my own doctor and wean myself off of it. Bad idea. But pain? Wow! I am so sorry that you had to go through that. At least you know now how much you need it to feel like yourself, like you should! :)

    By the way, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your new blog banner!

    xoxox

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  17. So glad you are all sorted now. Medicine is a wonderful thing. I live on numerous chronic medications and get criticized for it but they all work to rebalance my body so I do my best to keep them with me all the time and enjoy the benefIts...

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