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Friday, September 7, 2012

Forgiveness

There is a lot to be said about forgiveness:

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."   ~ Lewis B. Smedes
"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."   ~ Lewis B. Smedes

If you're a child of God, then you know that in order to be forgiven you have to forgive.  You also know that with forgiveness comes healing.  I have found that forgiveness isn't a instant thing...it is a continual thing.  Thoughts and actions of others could be trigger points to bring back feelings of resentment and anger...and then you have to lay it down again.  I have come to the point where I know that forgiveness is not an option...it is a command.  I forgive easily and more often than not I forget too.  If somebody hurts me badly, I will guard my heart more carefully and not trust that person easily a second time around.

A problem I have encountered is the fact that forgiveness doesn't necessarily lead to healed relationships.  Some people never acknowledge their part in the hurt and don't take responsibility for the havoc they caused.  Some relationships can be cut off and you can move on....but with family, well, it is complicated.  If you have a family member that has caused strife and discord in the family that has left the family totally splintered...it is complicated.  When this destructive behaviour continues and you see the hurt it is causing,  sooner rather than later you know that it is time for action. It is time to set boundaries. You have to make a decision that you will not give that person any further power to hurt you or your loved ones. I am now taking that next step.  I am putting my foot down and saying no more messing with my emotions.  I will not give ear to any bad mouthing of those I love.

Do you get something called the "perfect" family?
What would you do, if a close family member continues with this type of behaviour?

21 comments:

  1. Sadly ... I have to put up with discord with my Mom all the time -- she has mental problems -- and she gets into a mood and it isn't pretty -- the rest of us have mastered the 'walk on eggshells' moves most of our lives :)

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  2. Oh gosh, this is so difficult. I really have very little advice. Lots of love though. And prayers.

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  3. There is no things as perfect families......I try not discuss my * problems * with family too often...but they there, you are not alone.

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  4. Such truth here. I had to lean that forgiveness isn't about saying that a person's wrong behavior is OK, but that you can think of them without ill will and wish good for them, even though a close loving isn't in the picture. That was a hard lesson to learn and took some time. ~ Blessings, Tracey

    http://gracescraps.blogspot.com/

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  5. I agree Lynette. No such thing as a perfect family. All families have their problems. We are very far away from ours, so we don't have to live with it all the time but I can write books about my DH's side of the family. AT some stage you reach the point where you can't take it anymore. You will always wish cicumstances were different, but you have to do what you have to do to protect yourself and your loved ones. Lots of love to you my friend. xx

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  6. I think this is one of the most difficult things to deal with in life, because we are all individuals created by God and most of us have our own ideas about how things are supposed to go. It is very difficult for as as human beings to reach common ground with one another sometimes and I have just found for me, that I have to remember that no one else is like me or thinks the same way I do, so forgiveness is a constant thing. Not just for big things, but even little things that might happen. I hope you find peace in your situation Lynette!!

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  7. Ah Lynette, let me know when you find the answer :( xxx

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  8. Lynette, sadly I know exactly what you mean in this post. I've been hurt by a family member and it changed me in ways I don't like. Forgivness is a daily action for me now and trying to keep that person from crossing the line again is a daily struggle. I am still learning and figuring out this for myself so not sure I can help, sorry. I think your in the right direction though and just by facing it is a huge first step. I'm by your side and praying for you.
    I only know of the imperfect perfect family, not sure I could handle "PERFECT".


    LOVE LOVE THE SWEET POST BELOW, HE IS SOOOOO CUTE. CAN'T BELIEVE 5MTHS HAVE GONE BY. ENJOY THEM!!

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  9. I so hear you on that Lynette, sometimes it is really hard to imagine, someone you love so much, cared for them and in return, you feel so hurt from their behavior, for me, I automatic take the blame and feel guilty, and when it starts to chew me up till I can't take it anymore, I set boundaries and start to withdraw, probably it is easy to forgive someone you love so much, but the fact is, it really take a long time to forget the incident that haunt you so much.

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  10. no i don't think there is perfect families...in my case...in laws. good luck to you:)

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  11. I too battle with this one. Two of my children can not seem to remember that they are sisters and should love each other. I refuse to take sides or to even discuss this with either of them.
    It does hurt though when there is a family gathering and neither of them are there,
    When my son says, this would have been a perfect day, if only the two of them were here. I am trusting God for healing in His time, but I sure would love it if He did it quickly. :)

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  12. All families have their ups and downs, but it sounds like things have been particularly tough for you guys lately. There are no easy answers, but you seem like a strong person who will be able to make the correct decision (whatever that may be) when the time comes. I don't really have any concrete advice to share, but I'm sending you lots of hugs. <3

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  13. A perfect family? No, I don't think so. As well and good as forgiving is, sometimes you just need to put your foot down and say no more. You are just as important as the next person! ALWAYS remember this:-) Your heart is so big, Lynette, give some of that love to yourself, you deserve it:-)

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  14. NO such thing as the perfect family I think. Even if I know families that seem to be perfect... Mine is not, but we all get along and I am so happy my girls love eachother and get along. That is very important to me.
    Sorry I have no good advice for you, but you are definitely not alone in this!!

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  15. There's no such thing as the perfect family. Each household has it own burden/cross to carry/handle.

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  16. Hi Lynette. Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. Families are always so complicated. Forgiveness is a hard one. As much as we don't want to let negative energy fill our lives we also can't let family members make us feel bad. I always struggle with confrontation so I tend to get walked on a bit. Hope things get better.

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  17. There is no such thing as a perfect family. I think you are right to put your foot down to protect yourself and those you love. It can be harder than you think, especially if you love the person who is causing the discord.
    My heart is with you.

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  18. Family relationships are the worst to handle!
    I hope you find wisdom, but it is the best to put your foot down! Enough is enough!

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  19. Thank you for sharing Lynette. I was physically assaulted and emotionally wounded by my older brother in October 2011. Now, 11 months later, I'm slowly letting go of the hurt, praying for him, wishing him well, but I am also fiercely guarding my own heart.

    Love and hugs to you

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  20. We have this situation on both sides of our family. We have tried to make amends with the people concerned on both sides but they won't do it so there's nothing more we can do. It makes it awkward for all concerned - we have just had to cancel a holiday because we discovered 'they' will be there at the same time...There is nothing you can do except pray. It takes 2 to tango and you can't be responsible for what other people do or say. I've just learnt to let them go...

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  21. No such thing as the perfect family, even if it looks that way. One never knows what happens behind closed doors. Big Love to you. xx

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