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Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Recipe for Hate and the Antidote

This will always be the blog I run to when I need to share something so close to my heart.  Those things that I can't trust everybody with.  During our time with my parents in Kidd's Beach, my sister showed me this poem she wrote some time ago.  I just wept when I read it and so many memories came flooding back.

Unwanted, unloved, wretched, little boy
Doomed to a life robbed of childhood joy
Deprived of your mother's care and her love
An unappreciated blessing from above

Surviving all attempts to miscarry
Alone in your loveless life you will tarry
Replacing the kiss from your mother's lips
You were lavished with lashes from her whips

That is why you learnt how to hate
The worst disease of the human state
Without the unconditional love of a mother
You never learnt how to love any other

As a man your hatred grew to maturity
Distrusting all love and doubting its purity
With a heart bursting with hatred and pain
The erupting anger left an indelible stain

I'm sad that I never sat on your lap
Afraid that something might cause you to snap
I always knew when to run off and hide
By the way your car pulled up in the driveway outside

Out from under the bed I would peep
Dead still and quiet as a mouse I would keep
I sometimes wondered what you were thinking
But now I know... it's what you've been drinking

In your blind rage... I wonder what you saw...
Did you see little children cowering on the floor?
As you took off your belt and inflicted your pain
I thought to myself you must be insane

You're an old man now, with a broken heart
It's never too late for a brand new start
All things happen to us for a reason
It's time for you to start a brand new season

I'll shower you with love without expectation
Together we'll find healing for the next generation
When one day your life has run it's full course
I hope you'll find peace at Love's true source

The years have passed and I'm grown up now
Throughout my life I've kept my vow
A product of circumstance I'll not be
The future is bright and it's all up to me

Seeing my dad...so weak and frail with only a maximum of six months to live just breaks my heart. I see so clearly a man that has never known how to give or receive love.   I know that I love him unconditionally...that there is no bitterness in my heart.  We can only shower him with our love and trust the Lord to touch His heart.

xx

12 comments:

  1. There are no words I have, that could comfort the one who is inflicted with so much pain. I can only pray that God replaces that pain with a love that no one could possibly know ever existed except through HIM. Lynette, I am so sorry that your father never knew how to love the way that you have. That in itself is very sad...For him, and for those in his life.I pray that you take comfort in the fact that you are a loving and selfless person, and that you probably carried the love for both of you. My heart aches that you have seen such misery in your life, when all you should be doing is rejoicing in life. My heart is with you my friend...And all I can do is pray...
    xoxoxo
    ♥Lisa

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  2. Isnt it fantastic that you have managed to rise above what he did unlike your Father. You will always inspire me Lynette xxx

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  3. Inspirational. We all have a choice hey?
    Thank you for sharing from such a personal place of pain - and now healing. Much the next months with your dad be precious.

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  4. Wow! That poem leaves me breathless. Thinking of you at this time....it all seems spookily so much like my Dads untimely death to cancer 17 years ago. And so wioth wisdom....I can say that time is indeed a healer. Wishing you strength on this path that no-one wants to travel x x x

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  5. Excellent poem. I don't think we need to carry what happened to us as a child on to how we raise our children though - if I did I would be the same. Hope he is a genuine changed man now.

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  6. Lynette, I know people can change by His Grace and what a profound blessing that is. This poem is so deep and profound it truly makes one stop and think. Blessings, love, and prayers to you and your family at such a difficult time.

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  7. What a beautiful eloquent poem. You and your sisters must have endured so much. You amaze me at what you have been able to do in your life with your family and your mission work. Hugs to you my friend.

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  8. Sjoe, I had such a big lump in my throat reading this. No wonder your heart is so soft and full of love, you and your sisters are in my thoughts and prayers. XX

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  9. Wow. Such wisdom in those words.
    Sending strongs to you in dealing with the past and the present.
    xxx

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  10. Amazingly beautiful poem, so sad but wonderful that you are all so loving & giving. Prayers & hugs to you all. Hope this short time with your Dad is memorable.

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  11. I am so thankful to read your posts because they always touch my heart. This poem your sister wrote is such an amazing story that explains so much. I cannot imagine growing up in fear or not receiving the love you so desperately needed to feel. Your humility and charity toward your father is truly remarkable. I hope you and your family will have peace in your hearts as you spend these last months of his life with him.

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  12. amazing poem,really beautiful:)
    so glad to read that you have comfort in your heart, may your time spent with your dad be precious:)xx

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