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Friday, September 9, 2011

Facing reality


This is one of my most difficult posts.  I don't expect anyone to understand what and how I feel...and that is okay.  I haven't been myself these past few weeks and I have had the most unlikely, out-of-character meltdowns that shocked even me.  I was forced to face reality!

For eight years I have suppressed it.  Ignored it.  Made a joke of it. I even kept how I was feeling from my DH...I hate moaning.  When it got bad...I would just go quiet.

You can only get away with it for so long.  Slowly it will chip away at the carefully constructed mask you are wearing.  It will wear you down.  Sap all the joy out of your life.  Drive you to despair...and eventually leave you with feelings of hopelessness and depression.

My argument (to myself) was that people wouldn't understand.  Will think I am a hypochondriac looking for attention.  I felt that it was a weakness.  So I handled it with "positive thoughts" sort of "mind-over-matter"....after all if I don't mind it doesn't matter;-)

I even fought about it with the Lord.  Asking Him to take it away from me.  Like Paul (of the Bible) I started wondering if this wasn't "a thorn the Lord allows that will keep me from becoming arrogant".  

Truth is that I have chronic pain and for the past six weeks I have had a headache. I go to sleep with it and the next morning I wake up with it. Me being me (I am not a sissy) I didn't listen to my body and just tried harder to suppress it, until it got so bad that that it forced me to go for injections to get the levels back under control.  The doctor gave me a scolding and prescribed schedule 5 pain tablets with the strict instruction to "USE IT".  So pills have kept the pain at bearable levels and allowed me to function relatively normally.   

I, for one cannot, accept that I have to continue swallowing tablets for all eternity.  I made an appointment with a Chiropractor, telling my DH that if that doesn't work the doctor will have to send me for a MRI to see if there isn't something else wrong with my neck. 

What a relief.  He was so gentle, he sat me down and explained to me exactly how the muscle, ligament and bone structure works.  He worked my neck and shoulders and found my neck out of alignment so he started the adjustment.  He told me that he believes that he can help me to manage my pain. I see light at the end of the tunnel.


I now need to keep a pain journal.  
A tall order for someone who normally try my utmost to ignore it.
These past few weeks I got up with a level 2 headache and by the time I got back from work it had steadily built to a level 7.  

I guess this is part of showing my vulnerable side.  Do you understand pain?  Do you suffer from pain?

xx

23 comments:

  1. Ai suster - ek wens jy was nou hier sodat ek jou 'n GROOT drukkie kon gee. Dit is aaklig om kronies pyn te he. Dit put jou uit en maak jou moeg. Ek is so bly jy is uiteindelik na 'n Chiropractor toe. Ek bid en glo dit sal 'n groot verskil maak.

    En sus - jy is die enigste mens wat daaronder ly as jy nie kla van pyn nie - die ander mense dink jy is okay en verwag nog steeds te veel van jou.

    Begin jouself eerste self en bederf en vat "time out" wanneer jy moet. Onthou - God verwag dat ons nie te trots moet wees om te herken dat daar 'n swak plekkie is nie - dus wanneer Hy vir jou sal dra.

    xxxxxx

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  2. yes my darling - i know the pain you speak of. My neck is out of alignment and has always been and always will be - the chiro can only do so much to help me so i live with periods of headaches so bad i just want to hide under the duvet and never come up for air.

    I am so glad that you are seeing a chiro - i know that he will help you and enable you to manage this, and hopefully get your neck completely sorted.

    And you know what - there is nothing wrong with admitting that there is something wrong with us.

    lots of love xx

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  3. Lynette I feel for you. The very few headaches and back pains I get feel debilitating. I can't imagine what it must be like to live every day with pain. To wake up with pain every day. I pray the chiro can help you.

    lot and lots of love.

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  4. I feel for you, but mostly my friend, I am glad that you did something about it. I really hope this helps.

    And yes - I know constant pain - I have a rather heavy grade of IBS but with time and a lot of testing and some probilfora it is on a much lower level that I can actually live with.

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  5. I dont know the constant pain of which you speak. I do know of pain for week though as I was a migraine sufferer in my teens. I am so happy you have finally admitted that you need help though, you cannot go through life ignoring what your body is trying to tell you. I am truly grateful you are seeing daylight my friend.

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  6. I hope you are on the road to recovery. I visited a chiropractor for many years and he was a great help.

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  7. Yay to listening to your body! I think far too many of us, ignore it for precisely the reasons you said and we shouldn't need to! I'm sure the chiro will help, did you know that every person should go the the chiro at LEAST twice a year? Massage is also great for keeping the muscles free from tension (only if you go regularly though) Pilates is fantastic for keeping the joints mobilised and oiled, as we get older our bones and joints become rusty. last thought, have you gone to see a nutritionist at all? Diet is a huge factor in all things body related, in ways that we just arent told on any labels. I am so glad you are speaking up and listening too:-) Let us know how it goes!

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  8. I am so sorry you have been suffering in silence... but I am happy that you have been seeking help... that is wonderful!!

    I have a Mother who has been sick my ENTIRE life, arthritis, epilepsy, Lupus, you name it, the woman has it... and I always HOPED that I wouldn't inherit her 'insides'.....but sadly I have....

    For over a year now, I have been in constant pain, if I sit too long, I can barely walk, if I walk too much, my hips and legs scream in pain....

    Took me to a regular doctor first for a full exam... except for a little bone loss on my hips (which I knew, as I was born with uneven hips and had braces on them as a baby/child)...there was 'nothing' wrong with me.... next was the chiropractor... helped a little, but not enough....

    I have at this point, just been dealing with it... it makes me sad, as it kills me to be active now and has caused me to gain sooooooooooo much weight that I am depressed over it....

    soooooooo hugs to you my dearest for getting help... I hope you are pain free soon... :):):):):)

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  9. Sjoe, I am glad that I seldom feel pain. If I feel a headache coming on I swallow pills.
    I am glad that you've seen someone and that you're on the road to recovery. So often our bodies have to shout at us to get us to hear them and take a time out.

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  10. So glad you went to see the chiro - I can't imagine being in that much pain permanently.

    I used to have really bad period pains but at least those were only about 3 days, once a month.

    I just said to a colleague that I think it's a strength of mine but I have a very low tolerance for things not working well in my life, at least I sort out stuff quick :)

    have a wonderful weekend and take your meds!

    PS He came that we might have life and have it abundantly - so let the docs help you to have the abundant life

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  11. Sorry to hear that you are in pain, but I am so glad that you shared, it brought awareness to me, I might be like you without knowing as I usually take "pain" in silent and reject any help, I don't even use pain-killer.
    Thanks for sharing and big hug to you my friend!

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  12. I am so sorry about your pain, I know the chiro will help & have patience it takes time but wow it works. I think women on the whole ignore their pain - physical & emotional too, and its not a great thing to do. Pills are not always a bad thing either although we often don't like to take them. Hoping you get quick pain relief & look after yourself. xxx

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  13. Hugs my friend. I do not know of this pain that you speak of but I have heard of it before. I hope that you and your doctor are able to work together so you do not have to feel this way anymore.

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  14. I hope you start to feel better soon. I went through something similar a few years back and the chiropractor helped tremendously. Prayers for healing my friend.

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  15. I am so sorry you are dealing with this Lynette. I cannot imagine...
    I am glad that you are seeking help...look after yourself.

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  16. I am so glad that you are trying to sort out your pain & learn how to manage it too. I had an accident 6 years ago that left me with chronic pain in my feet & I lived on Genpayne (2 boxes a week) and cortisone injections were tried but just too painful in the feet to continue after a few sessions. Like Julie, I can't exercise without being in pain for days afterwards. I have accepted it & have to live with it too. I can't walk a lot or the next day or two is unbearable so I have accepted that I have to live on 2 Genpayne every evening (sometimes I miss it if I haven't been on my feet all day) but as I scrap standing I often am, and have to drive a lot too, but I used to take 6 - 8 tabs a day so down to 2 is very good. I think pain is a part of many people's lives. I don't talk about it either. My hubby knows but can't relate as he is never sick & trim & healthy but he is very sympathetic...

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  17. Honestly, I don't understand, but can sympathize with you as I know pain exists.
    I have never had a headache in my life...and the only real pain besides childbirth is a tummy ache now and again...but pain I do not know like so many others know.
    Keep strong my friend, do what you need to do ~ big hug!!

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  18. Oh Lynette... I am so sorry :(
    I see chronic pain sufferers all the time - it is agonising.
    Have you tried acupuncture? It can really help for neck/ headaches/chronic pain. x x

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  19. Well I am glad you found the reason and are working towards something better.
    NO fun when pain is there...let alone a chronic pain.
    hugs
    (My word verification is "blessed". Maybe that is our answer...focus on the blessings:D)

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  20. Agg no man that is just awful to hear - it hurts when my friends hurt! I hope that the chiro can help sort out the issue or at least offer some relief! I totally believe in Chiro's they have helped me when physio's can't!

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  21. Hi Lynette - Glad you went for help - Interestingly, I also went to the chiro for the first time last week - I have suffered with on/off lower back pain for about six years and finally had had ENOUGH....Good news is, he says it is fixable - need about two weeks of sessions...Already I am feeling a lot better - don't wake up with pain and can stand for longer before I get sore - How silly to have suffered so long, and it is realtively easy to fix- but that is us humans isn't it - Hope you start to feel much better soon...Lots of love

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  22. My 2 cents worth. I have suffered with headaches all my life and I have now discovered they are hormonal and if fact completely controllable now. I still have bouts of 3 days at a time but I havent had one for 6 weeks. Check out your hormonal levels. xxxx

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  23. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to constantly be living with pain. I hope that the Chiro visit helped. And I hope that you will see that you are only human. It is OK to admit that you are not feeling OK.
    Much love.xx

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