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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dashed hopes and shattered dreams



Three weeks ago my darling daughter started working for Vodacom and within two weeks they saw the potential in her and she received her first promotion and salary increase.  She sounded so happy and proud of herself.  She started getting her life in order and even saw a pastor to discuss deliverance.  I was actually allowing myself to get excited....serious mistake!

This weekend Deonella and Carl was away for the weekend. Yesterday D received a call from Vodadom, Bianca did not turn up for work and she has not phoned and cannot be reached on her phone.  Deonella was worried that B could have had an epileptic seizure and sent somebody around to the house to check on her.  She was not there.  It would appear that she spent the weekend with the new boyfriend.  When B eventually came home last night the rules were once again discussed with her.  She then decided she wanted to be free of rules, packed her bags and phoned the boyfriend to fetch her. Lots of hurtful words were said.

So here we are again.  Once again my dreams and hopes for my darling Bianca is shattered.  Last night she moved on... Making a statement, cutting ties.  Deonella's heart is broken and nothing I said could make her feel less of a failure.  I received this message from D:  " As she drove into the night, rain pouring down from the heavens hiding my tears.  Walking into her empty room nothing was left but a torn photo of the two of us!  It was like I saw my heart lying on the floor shattered.  I am so sorry.  I truely believed tht it would have all turned out better!" Again, I don't know where she is...and if she is going to be all right.

Isn't it weird?  In my life I touch so many lives and they can accept advice I give...and I can do nothing for my own daughter.  Last  night, for the first time in many months I found release in a sleeping tablet.

21 comments:

  1. I am so sorry to hear!
    She seems to be her own worst enemy!
    Thinking of you!
    LOve that graphic of "Love never fails"
    Keep on loving! It must be very hard! *hugs*

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  2. I have no words that will help at this time Lynette as I have no experience in this kind of sadness, only know that you are in my heart and prayers xxxxx

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  3. I think it is time to let go. To allow her to do what she thinks needs to be done, to make the mistakes she is surely making and you can only but have faith that everything is as it should be. That doesnt take away any sadness or pain or hurt or disbelief but can bring a sense of order to the disorder.
    thinking of you and sending much love your way. I wish I could make it better for you.
    xxx

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  4. I don't know what to say. I feel helpless for you. I want to find her and give her a good hiding and make her realise how much she is hurting you.

    But i cant. All i can do is be here for you and know that I am.

    And all you can do is trust in the Lord. Again. He hasn't let you down and he wont.

    xx

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  5. My heart is broken with you....I understand....I feel so for all those who love this child who just cant find her way!!

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  6. Ag tog my vriendin! Ek huil vandag saam met jou, maar ek weet ook ons trane is nie verniet nie. Ek glo vas dat ons Vader 'n plan het met Bianca se lewe en dat sy, net soos Jona besig is om daarteen te stry, maar dat sy ook, nes hy, sal terug kon na Hom toe en daardie plan vir haar lewe sal uitleef. Ek dink jy voel vandag soos my ma jare gelede gevoel het toe sy op haar laagste 'n brief aan 'n vriendin geskryf het waarin sy haar hart uitgestort het. Nadat sy die brief klaar geskryf het, het sy besef sy kan die brief nooit pos nie en het toe maar die 'Liewe Hester' doodgekrap en vervang met 'Liewe Here'. Sy het toe nog, so het sy dit vertel, die vermetelheid gehad om 'n naskrif by te voeg. Daarin het sy gese dat sy nie krag gehad het om te wag vir 'n antwoord nie. Die einde van die storie, vra jy? Die Vader het 'n antwoord gestuur, beter en groter as wat sy gevra het en baie gou ook.
    Ek bid steeds vir jou en Bianca en hoop en glo dat daardie antwoord sal kom wanneer ons dit die minste verwag.

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  7. Ai Lynette, ek weet regtig nie wat om te se nie. My hart breek vir julle, en Deonella wat so hard probeer.

    Weet maar net ek hou julle almal in my gebede - waar ons te kort skiet in bemoediging en raad sal Hy help.

    God se liefde en lig vir julle.

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  8. Geez Lynette I just don't know what to say...I am having a (minor by comparison) issue with one of my own children & I have seen in the past 3 months that we have been trying to treat it - that nothing one says seems to sink in - it all just goes in one ear & out the other...nonetheless we have to continue (and amazingly I still have the desire to keep trying) to influence our children because it is just an inbuilt thing that sees us wanting the best for them. I have another unsolvable issue with another relative & I commit that one solely to prayer as there is no contact. Not fervently but regularly...I believe eventually it has to count for something...

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  9. I dont have words...i feel very much like Shayne. My heart goes from here to you - know that many of us care deeply and will continue to support you in this heartbreaking journey. xxxx

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  10. Dear Lynette ,

    It's always heartbreaking to hear about these kinds of turns of events in Bianca's life. I am comforted that God has provided you with a wonderful hubby & sons to comfort you and stand by you thru these times. And that you are carried through these times by His grace. I pray also that your calm shall not be rocked and that you will have peace that surpasses all understanding ,no matter the circumstances !

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  11. Lynette - I am so sorry that things were starting to go so well and then took a wrong turn. Prayers are being said. Hugs - Amy

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  12. Oh Lynette, much like everyone else I have no words. I am not even a parent, so I have no idea what you are even feeling.
    But I am a daughter, and I remember rebelling too (not to this extreme), but at the end you always turn back to your parents...keep on loving, that's all you can do...

    Sending prayers and hugs...

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  13. My dear Lynette, My heart aches for you and your family. And for Deonella and Carl, who so willingly opened their hearts to Bianca. I am so sorry that your heart is broken once again.It makes me sad to see my friend in so much pain. And the difficult part is knowing that you are such a help to others, but cannot reach your own child. Though at this time it seems impossible for Bianca to recover, please hold on to your faith that someday, the day will come when she will awaken from "rolling in the deep". Do not despair my kind friend, keep your faith in Him intact, and NEVER let go of your love for Bianca. I am sending prayers and hugs across the ocean.
    Love and friends,
    Lisa

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  14. Lynette I am sorry that you are going through this. Keep loving her and keep clinging to the Lord. He loves her far better than you could possibly and he will take care of her.
    e.

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  15. I have spent the past hour reading this entire blog from the beginning. No words. Except that I am so sorry for what you and your family have had to go through. I can feel your pain and despair in this post. I feel your sadness in this post.
    Sending you lots and lots of love. And hugs. And prayers.
    xx

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  16. Oh man! words seem so horribly inadequate -

    Children can bring us the greatest joy and the greatest sorrow, can't they?

    My hope is that God will turn this child into one of your greatest joys in time to come

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  17. Saying a little prayer for you right now. :)

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  18. I can't imagine your heartbreak, Lynette.

    I have no answers except to say, no, don't give up on her. God holds us in the palm of His hands and doesn't let go.

    You may feel weak but then shout and rant and rave at Him - He's strong enough to take it :) and He will come through for you. We can't see it but He is working on it.

    Do you and Kobus talk about all this? How is he coping?

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  19. I am so sorry and am just keeping you all in our prayers. Love & hugs

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  20. Sjoe Lynette, hoe erg vir jou om keer op keer op die kant te staan en toekyk hoe sy die verkeerde besluite neem, en jou so bitter seer maak. Ek bid vir jou, vir elkeen van julle, ons God is Almagtig.xx

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  21. Lynette.......... words seem so futile, so empty... yet as a blogger, I know the sense of comfort we get from them. So i will say this: You are very, very much loved and admired and respected... B is a lost, broken soul at the moment, and like you, I am hopeful that one day she may find peace. I just hope she doesn't trample on too many hearts in her quest to find whatever it may be that she is searching for. My love goes to you and Deonella... x x x

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