Thursday, March 10, 2011

Questions without answers

Many of you know me.  You have read my blog for a long time. You have been there when my heart was broken, you picked me up, dusted me off, dried my tears and put me back on my feet. You know that I carry my heart on my sleeve.

In a few minutes we will be leaving for Cape Town.  We are taking my DD to go and live with a good childhood friend.  This is the 3rd time that we will be saying goodbye.  Well, not technically, the first time there was no goodbye...she simply left while we were sleeping. 

I am a tad worried about my own emotions.  Have I built walls around me? (where she is concerned).  Why do I just feel numb about her leaving again?  It is so against my nature.  I care deeply, even for those I don't know well... I want to help, to fix to hold the hand of those who are hurt. Last night the whole family was here and she just left...she could not care less that it was our last night together.  Yet, I feel nothing, not even disappointment .  Is it that I have so totally protected myself against emotional hurt that nothing she does will ever hurt me again?  Is it healthy?  When will I feel again?

I just had to put this into words.


  1. I don't think that you are not feeling. I think that you are simply protecting yourself from the hurt she has, and continues to cause you.

    A natural reaction. We all close up when we feel insecure or vulnerable.

    You will be fine.

    And i'm just at the end of the phone line if you need to talk.

    And Ansie will take you in her arms and suddenly everything will seem brighter.


  2. Oy Lynette. My heart goes out to you. Grown up children can be so thoughtless and selfish! It sounds as though you have been through much with her. I can't begin to understand how you must feel - but I think you are protecting yourself from being hurt which is natural.

    Strength and His peace be with you.

  3. Just protecting your heart, and there is nothing wrong with that. You do feel, will feel and still feel, but the numbness will ease once there is safety in your relationship again.
    much love to you!

  4. Sending lots of love and hugs...

  5. So sad but praying & lots of hugs. It will work out Lynette don't ever gve up. xxxx

  6. Big Hug, you have been so much and down emotions they sure get to one...and then we switch off as a protection for ourselves. We can only take so much....

  7. You really do feel, and are heavily and emotionally invested here! Or else you would not have even thought about writing it here! She knows how much it must hurt...

    Best of love and wishes!
    (I predict that she will be back)

  8. I totally agree with previous comments. Wish we could make it all feel better, sometimes we just need to hear you and that is ok too.

  9. I hope things come right for you Lynette and that that you find the answers you need. Sending love and prayer your way...

  10. My heart goes out to you. Sending {{HUGS}}!!!

  11. A natural response to a very unpleasant experience.

    Thoughts of so with you guys as you continue on this road with B.


  12. My sentiments are with most of your previous comments, we get so hurt by our children that we have to protect ourselves now and again, you will be back to your normal loving self soon you'll see in the meantime lots of love and hugs xxx

  13. When the feelings are too intense, our brains cut them off and its masked as no feelings at all. Don't be fooled, you are feeling and very deeply too. At least this time you know where she is going and you trust that person.
    Good luck my friend.
    Sterkte, bid nog sonder ophou vir jou en Bianca.

  14. I think it's a self-protection mechanism & not a bad thing. Right now it is the best thing for you to have a "water off a duck's back" policy as far as she is concerned in order to be able to function properly. As her behaviour rights itself one day so your reserve will soften again. My heart breaks for you Lynette, because I know what it is like to have a "big girl" daughter & the little bit of grief that she has given me has been bad enough...

  15. I am sure you feel Lynette, I just think you are trying to tell yourself that you are not but I can feel that you are bleeding inside, my heart cries for you and feel you Lynette, hope your sorrow will be soon over, remember - God never give us more than we could take, we don't know his plan but trust in him......... hugs!!!!

  16. oh no, not again Lynette :(

    Sending you lots of love and hugs xx

  17. the Big man has you in the palm of his hand. x x x

  18. big {{{hugs}}} to you dearest Lynette... I am sorry you are going through all of this... :):):)

  19. Oh lynette. My heart just aches for you reading this. The body and mind are amazing things. And your body and mind have shut off emotions to B to protect you. You cannot tolerate any further pain from this situation, so your body has made you numb towards it. It is only towards THIS situation - your emotions are fully intact for your DH and DS's and grandkids.
    Your heart will unfreeze to this situation when you are able to handle it.
    Sending you love and big big hugs x x

  20. Hi, just catching up on your blog today.

    First, well done on your scrappy achievements. You are definitely very creative.

    Second, crying? I cry usually driving home (!) because my brain is free to think and feel. Either there or when I'm blogging sometimes.

    And then most importantly, I get you. I'm like that too. I think it's to protect your heart. I don't think you have no feelings - it's just a way of cushioning your very tender heart.

    cast your cares upon Him for He cares for you :)

  21. Give yourself time and know that your brain has given you some emotional anesthetic to allow you to heal and become strong so that you can be there for Bianca when the time comes.

    Whatever you do don't judge yourself too harshly, you have been through a lot and I think detatching slightly is not the worst thing that could happen, it will allow you to gain some perspective to move forward in the absolute best way for you family xxxx

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  23. I'm so sad for you and I think it's okay to feel 'nothing' ... it's a way of keeping the pieces in place. The emotions will come at their right time ... in the meantime, hang on tight to His hand and He'll carry you through.

    Hugs and blessings

  24. Perhaps this is the "guarding your heart" that the bible says is so important.
    Or perhaps it is the protective hand of the Lord, keeping you from more than you could bear.
    Clearly, you haven't hardened your heart; if you had, you wouldn't be feeling the concern that you do.

    So maybe this is a time for gratitude for His loving protection?
    Just a thought.

  25. Now how did I miss your post? My friend, I believe we sometimes need to build those walls in order to survive the immediate pain - but then we do need to confront it later.

  26. It must be hard, sending prayers your way...

  27. You're just protecting yourself from being hurt. I think we are alike.

    You are a wonderful person, Lynette, full of compassion and love for everyone.

    Sending my warmest hugs, my dearest!

    B xx

    PLUS; It's ok to feel nothing's natural reaction.


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