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Thursday, February 17, 2011

Where are we now?

I haven't posted on here for a very, very long time.  I don't like to keep you hanging and wondering what happened...is there a happy ending yet?  Do you mind if I do this in bullets?
  • My last update was shortly after Bianca moved back home, but she would still not accept house rules.
  • In the months that followed...August, September and October...Bianca was always out and often did not come home at night.
  • Her suitcase remained packed in her room.  The stress of never knowing whether I would wake up again and find her gone, or coming home from work and finding her gone was unnerving. (to say the least)
  • Her epilepsy was  now totally out of control and she had seizure after seizure.  She was drinking heavily and living a very unhealthy lifestyle.
  • In October, a week before she was due to start her final exams she came home with a piercing through her lip.  I thought that Kobus will have a heart attack when he saw it.  He insisted that she remove it.  The black hair, black clothes, dark makeup and piercings was just too much.
  • She stormed into her room and started throwing the few items she had that was not already packed into black bags.  It was a Sunday and she informed us that she is leaving anyway.  Marc had bought her a plane ticket to Johannesburg and she was "out of here". 
  • What about your exams?  "Do you think I care a shit about the exams?" 
  • What about Australia?  "That was never really the plan and anyway I have spent all my money."
  • She managed to blow R25000 in three months...and had nothing to show for it.
  • The next day I stayed home and completed a scrapbook album for her to give as a "farewell gift".  I wanted to show her that it was not all bad that we had some amazing times as a family and that she was loved.
  • She lived with Marc in Johannesburg.  She could not find a job.  She ended up cooking and cleaning and doing the laundry.  We stopped financial contributions other than her epilepsy medication.
  • My sister, Elsa, her biological mom, had by now figured out that Bianca was manipulating her to get money, so she stopped sending money.
  • A month later Bianca wanted her biological father's contact details...which I gave her.
  • She saw him, learned who he really is. (if you are not Afrikaans, you will have to use google translate to read this) He was always a liar and that was the reason Elsa divorced him so many years ago.  He had his own version of the story anyway. Something like....she had a hit on me and it was self defense...yeah right.
  • She was not happy in JHB and sent an e-mail to an old school friend who lives in Cape Town.  She offered that Bianca come and live with her.  We decided that it is a better option for her and offered to drive her down at the beginning of March.
  • But she had burnt her bridges in JHB anyway.  "Mysteriously" a cellphone belonging to a friend of Marc, became part of Bianca's possessions.  She had to leave.
  • She phoned my brother, Andre and for the next two weeks until my birthday party she lived with them.
  • Now she is back home, still with suitcases packed.  Ready to go to Cape Town, and my prayer is that she will not do harm to her best friend.
So there you have it...in a nutshell.

I love this "child of my heart" so much that it hurts.  I don't know what it is going to take for her to "see the light".  Nothing she has done or will do in the future will ever make me love her less.  I just pray that somehow her path will cross that of someone that will be able to make an impact on her life and that she will turn back to the way that she was brought up.

21 comments:

  1. I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my eyes as I understand the love a mother has for a child no matter what....no matter what, not many people can understand how we mom's keep loving after all the disappointment they give us.
    I keep praying for you that God keeps giving you the strength to keep loving her as she will wake up and realize this for herself.

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  2. Sending you lots of love and praying that this time will be the last. That she will finally grow up and realise that she is on the wrong path.

    xxxx

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  3. love and hugs to you lynette x
    I can not even pretend to know how you feel - how heart wrenching
    I pray you will have peace and that things will come right

    hugs
    Betty Bake

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  4. Ah my friend, and all these months you have been toiling in this. :( We all continue to support you and pray Gods best outcome. xxx

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  5. Shame Lynette - she is struggling to find an identity for herself. She will come right down the line & bring you grandkids, joy & happiness...

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  6. Thanks for updating us. I saw that she was at your party, and I was wondering what was the situation...
    If it makes us cry, we know just how much it must hurt!
    Everything she is doing, is a cry for help. But she rejects the help immediately again... Until one day it will not be necessary to keep on kicking...
    Wishing you all the strength and prayers! Your love will win her through!

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  7. Omigosh - I thought no news was good news!
    Like one of your oter commenters, I saw that B was at your party and assumed that things had settled down.
    So this is devastating to hear, Lynette; I cannot imagine what you must be going through.

    I hope that having a bunch of blogbuddies who love you and are praying for you all helps a little.

    Lets believe for a "prodigal son" experience for her . . .

    XX

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  8. I too saw the pic at the party and wondered. I certainly dont have any advice for you although you can take some comfort in the fact that your story/Biancas is often something I turn to when I have problems with Erin and in fact I will be updating my blog with the latest on that. Thinking of you and hugs xxxxx

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  9. Still thinking of you and Bianca so often and praying that things will work out for you and the rest of the family. Just know, my friend, that you and your DH are not alone in this, there are many of us prying and we know the Lord's promise about prayer.

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  10. I am so sorry that things haven't gotten any easier for you with Bianca. I pray that she finds her happy place soon so that you all can grow closer again. You're in my prayers.

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  11. As you know Lynette, my sister is fighting the same battle with her daughter. The drinking, the drugs, moving in and out. Her direction leading to nowhere. Jail a couple of times. She is the same age as Bianca. She is back home as well. This time, my sister thinks that she has finally saw the light.She hit rock bottom. Nowhere to go. No friends other than the ones who want to steal from her. No job because noone wants to hire a felon. No money...She lost everything including her family outside of her mom and dad. She had hurt us, especially my daughter who tried so hard to help her cousin. She stole from us and twisted stories in her drug induced mind to make us look like the bad ones. I know what you are going through. She has burnt her bridges EVERYWHERE.So with this, she went back home and is trying to turn her life around. So my sister hopes. She has been clean, and with a job for the last 6 months.
    It is my prayer Lynette, that Bianca has the same turn around. I pray that one day she will realize that you were right all along. She can not go on living this lifestyle forever. She will tire of it, and eventually want what everyone else has. Peace. Peace within themselves. So in the meantime, I will continue to pray for Bianca and you and the family. She is so lucky to have family who cares. I hope that Bianca is good to her friend, and that her friend can help guide her in the right direction. I was hoping for a different ending when I saw her pictures from your party. She is beautiful young lady. Keep strong my friend and leave your faith in Him. God Bless...
    Big Hugs,
    Lisa

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  12. Thanks for the update, Lynette. I'm sorry things are still difficult and I hope and pray it will work out for you real soon xx

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  13. Lynette - I have been wondering. I was praying that things had gotten better. I am so sorry that she is continuing down this self destructive path and hurting those who love her the most. I will continue to keep you all in my prayers and say prayers for her to, to lessen the pain that she feels. Her behavior reminds me of a friend of mine, also adopted, who was on a path of self destruction and self hatred for years. I think some kids just cannot see the love that their parents feel for them because thier bio parents couldn't care for them for who knows what reason and they feel it is something within them even though it isn't. My friend is now a lovely caring young women who has found peace within herself. Hugs my friend.
    A

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  14. My thoughts & prayers are with you all & I am amazed at how strong you are and cope so well. She will see the light you are all an exceptional family and a fantastic mother Lynette - hang in there it will turn around. She is lost & lonely & must be hating herself too. xxx

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  15. I'm glad you updated on this situation. I am sad to hear that she is still struggling. And that you are having to deal with so much pain. I hope her journey to Cape Town will be a positive one.

    You were so loving to make her the album before she left.

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  16. Dear Lynette , it is so difficult to say something to comfort you heart with all that pain and frustration going through , I just hope some day Bianca can realize of all her wrong choices and go back to be that sweet person she was before.
    And you my sweet friend, don't give up, stay true to God and He will concede what you heart wants.
    God Bless you and your family.
    Love
    Lidia

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  17. Know that you are in my heart and in my prayers xxx

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  18. o grrll ! You ,Kobus & the rest of the fam are just superlative in this very difficult situation. Bianca couldnt have a better family .... indeed she will realise it all .....praying that it will come sooner too !

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  19. Oh Lynette, I can only keep her and you all in my prayers.

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  20. Iam the friend to whom she has moved to. Reading this blog was very hard to see how much hurt and pain she has caused her family, a family I considered my own. Reading this has also given me a more clear mind of what to expect from Bianca and to see the red light when it appears. I have a love for this girl which I cannot explain and fear the day that she may hurt me as she has hurt so many people before. Last night we spoke about the legacy that she will leave behind one day and that the current picture is not a pretty one. Bianca seems to listen to me and I will never stop trying and never stop praying for the day that she WILL step into the light and embrace Gods gift to be alive. I HAVE FAITH. I hold on to my word, JER 29vs11. For I know the plan that God has for me (and Bianca) and it is a plan for us to prosper and not to harm us. Everyday I wake up is a gift, a gift to breathe, a gift to see Gods wonders one more time. Aunt Lynette, my heart is crying to have red that this is what you had to deal with. The time that you have been a mother to me has been wonderful and I cherish those times forever in my heart. Bianca knows that you are the best mother she could have asked for, I think she had such bad friends that influence her with hate, anger and all the wrong thoughts. SHE knows what is wrong and what is right, she is just very confused and is scared to take the first step. But God lives within me and my light will shine forever more and she will see it. My joy will rub off on her..it just has to. She will start to long for the same joy that I have and when that day comes we will all be there, to pick her up. I will not loose my FAITH and will always have HOPE.

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