Monday, July 26, 2010

She needs an operation

When I was with Shayne last week Wednesday, I received a "please call me" from Bianca. She told me she still felt sick and cannot swallow because her throat is so sore. I fetched her and took her to our doctor. He found that her tonsils are very infected and needed to be removed very urgently. He used his charm to get us an appointment with an ENT on Friday morning (the next day).

Initially when I received the "please call me" from Bianca I felt unhappy that she only makes contact when she needs us...other times she just does not reply to SMS's and does not answer her cellphone. She has still not returned to college. Kobus and I sat down and discussed how to handle this situation. We decided that we need to sit her down and tell her what our expectations is if she expected us to continue covering her medical expenses.

I was so proud of my DH. He told her that she either need to return to college or alternatively find a job that will be able to support her needs fully. She cannot be independant but still be dependant on us for her medical needs. If she returns to college we will meet her financial needs and her other needs will be covered by the policy that paid out last week. With good budgeting this money will last until she completed her studies. She decided to go back to college and I told her that I will be monitoring her attendance.

On Friday I took her to the ENT specialist, he will be operating on Thursday this week. He told her that it is going to be "VERY, VERY, painful and that he will be doing a sinus flush at the same time to make sure that there is no bacteria that will affect her healing after the operation. She will need to get back to a normal diet as soon as possible after the operation, she has been living on yogurt the past two weeks. She has to be at the hospital at 6 'o clock on Thursday morning and we told her that we will pick her up from college on Wednesday and she must come prepared with an overnight bag to sleep over at our home. DH and I also suggested that she comes home to recuperate after the operation. The doctor told us that the recuperation period is approximately 10 days. She is stubborn and I don't think she will take us up on our offer.

I don't know what the future holds. I just pray, hope and trust that the Lord knows and that He holds the future in His hands.



  1. I pray that the Lord uses this to turn her heart around. Hang in there Lynette!

  2. The Lord works in misterious ways. Will keep her in my prayers during and after the operation. Praying that this is the start of a new beginning for her as part of her loving family.

  3. As I said to you, I think this may just be the turning point.

    Keeping you in my prayers xxx

  4. It sounds like things are moving in the right direction. I imagine her need for independence and her need for dependence on you is waging a war inside of her.

    I am so proud of you both for deciding how to handle the situation and sticking to your guns while at the same time being supportive and helpful. I will pray for you and Kobus to be strong. As well as for her to take better care of herself and to soften her heart so that she sees that all of these things are in her best interest. Maybe with a better eating/sleeping habits she will see clearer.

  5. Keeping you all in my prayers. I hope her surgery goes well.

  6. Tough love is tough. But home is always home. I just pray that she takes your offer of the 10 days of nursing. I imagine that there are fierce battles going on between her head and her heart - but if her body is weak, it may well be that the heart wins.

    I will join you in praying for a miracle. x x x Lots of love to you Lynette.

  7. I agree with Meriel, Home is always home and I really hope she accept your offer, How can she say no? No one is gonna take care of her like you are. I'm always praying for you all. Hope things get better soon.
    And Hope her operation turns out well.

  8. I pray that Bianca makes a well recovery and that she realizes that her family truly just wants the best for her. Funny how they want their cake and eat it too. I think that you and your husband are handling this very well. You can no longer be manipulated or it will never end. She must know you both love and want the best for her.6

    I hope she grows out of this selfishness quickly. Growing up is very difficult for some people. Hang in there and love her unconditionally, but don't be manipulated. She will learn. I pray for you also. God give you strength.

  9. Hi Lynette ,

    It seems that everywhere I have turned to - from the east to the west - these past few weeks - this one message keeps ringing clear over my head - & The Greatest of these is Love - 1 Corinthians 13:7 (New Living Translation)

    7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

    & last weekend over the pulpit , we heard the Book of James being preached - & the ending of the Book of James - James 5: 19, 20 -

    My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.

    the message has been with me since my teenage years.

    & this is the hard one : the beginning of the Book of James - James 1:2,3 -

    Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

    May the book of James comfort you too during these times !
    Big hugs,

  10. Lynette, the Lord does so work in mysterious ways, I think he is using this need for surgery to make things clearer for her and you and DH. I am praying for you all. I know this is such a struggle but you guys are handling it SOOOO well..hang in there.

  11. I'm thinking of you and I hope the surgery goes well. I really do believe that it will work out in the end, Lynette. One day at a time xx

  12. The whole situation must be very tough on you! She is manipulating it, but only if you let her.
    Good that you have put down some boundaries!
    My thoughts are with you...

  13. My SIL had her tonsils removed at 25 - it was extremely painful and she recuperated for two weeks. I will keep you all in my prayers for the operations, and who knows - this might have been sent your way to give her the turnabout that is needed.

    I am so happy about the college part - already a step forward.

    Love to you my friend.

  14. I want to shake sense into that young girls, how she will look back at this time in the future with such regret, she is being so stubborn and one needs to knock some sense into her. I think what DM told her is perfect, she cant have it all her own way.
    Why they only call us when they need us, oh how I know that feeling....its so frustrating for a parent, and yet we cant ~ just cant turn our backs when our children are in need..and they know that.

    Keep us updated, I do pray she stays the 10 days with you then sees what she is missing out on!

  15. I think. . . God is slowly BUT surely showing her the way, I just hope and pray she takes the right path and stays with you for those ten days! I agree, she knows where her bread is buttered, BUT she should not take you for granted.
    Tell her good luck for the operation!!

  16. I had my tonsils out when I was 21... very similar story, they were so badly infected, they were poisoning my body! It was so so so sore!!! All I wanted was my Mom!! I am quite sure that Bianca will have an epiphany through this and may not move out again when her 10 days are up..... Hugs -x-x

  17. Prayers & hugs to you all. You & Kobus have dealt with this in an amazing way.

  18. Holding thumbs and praying that it all falls into place. x

    PS On my post - Devin is about 6ft - normal, lots of the doorways here are tiny!

  19. I pray Bianca's surgery goes well and she recovers quickly! My hubby had his tonsils removed at age 40 and he was miserable for 2 weeks.

    Good for you for standing strong. Tough love is hard, but the rewards can be great.

    Maybe this is a crossroad for her now. Returning to school is a good thing. Coming home to recuperate may make her realize just how wonderful it is to be home.


  20. I keep getting these on my phone, reading them & then think that I've commented - only to realise later that I better check up & then see that I haven't. Even out of things that are not good, like sickness, God makes good things happen, because now you have had a good opportunity to talk through the real meaning of independence. Teenagers/young women like the idea but the reality is somewhat different. And with dependence comes a certain code of respect, etc, that must be adhered to, for we are all dependant on one another, even when we are supposedly completely independant, and we never know when we will need each other, so it is good that she is learning her part in it all now.

  21. I hope the operation went well and I hope that she took your offer to stay at your house to recuperate. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

  22. I hope the operation went well, and that Bianca is safe with you and that she is letting you look after her. xxxx


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