Monday, July 19, 2010

A heart attitude

Most of you know, that as a family, we have had a VERY difficult year thus far.  Looking back I realise how much I have grown spiritually in this awful process.  I also realise that spiritual growth comes at a price and is often very painful.  Would I have chosen not to have the pain? the flesh I have to be honest and say YES!  I can only thank the Lord that He sees the big picture. 

I recently read this in My Utmost for His is please bear with me:-)

"As a saint of God, my attitude toward sorrow and difficulty should not be to ask that they be prevented, but to ask that God protect me so that I may remain what He created me to be, in spite of all my fires of sorrow. We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there is sorrow, and we have to accept and receive ourselves in its fires.  If we try to evade sorrow, refusing to deal with it, we are foolish.  Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life, and there is no use in saying it should not be.  Sin, sorrow, and suffering ARE, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them.

 Sorrow removes a great deal of a person's shallowness, but it does not always make that person better.  Suffering either gives me to myself or it destroys me.  You cannot find or receive yourself through success, because you lose your head over pride.  And you cannot recieve yourself through the monotony of your daily life, because you give in to complaining.  The only way to find yourself is in the fires of sorrow.  Why it should be that way is immaterial.  The fact is that it is true in the Scriptures and in human experience.  You can always recognize who has been through the fires of sorrow and received himself, and you know that you can go to him in your trouble and find that he has plenty of time for you.  But if a person has not been through the fires of sorrow, he is apt to be comtemptuous, having no respect or time for you, only turning you away.  If you will receive yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you a nourishment for other people."

My friend,  have you made it through that?  If you did then you will understand what I am now going to tell you.

Most of you know that our daughter has recently decided to leave home and live elsewhere...not with our blessing and not to a lifestyle that we approve of.  So as a family we decided that we needed to practise "TOUGH LOVE" in this situation.  Well peoples....I have learned that Tough Love is maybe tougher on parents than on their children.

The very first day that I went back to work after she left this is the situation I walked into:  A mother had brought her son to us.  He is 25 years old and a crack cocaine addict. He has never worked a day in his life.  He steals from his parental home to support his addiction.  His parents have had enough!  The young man was in total denial of his problem, and he most definately did not want to be at the mission.  He was very arrogant and in front of him we had to tell his mother to let go.  That if he walked out the door and out the gates of the mission, she is not allowed to pick him up and take him back home.  That would just enable him to continue his abusive ways.  (While we spoke to her....I struggled to keep control of my own emotions.  In the past this has been the easiest thing ever, I never knew what it felt like to LET GO...and how painful it is for a parent to do this.)  The young man jumped up and stormed out the office and out the gates of the mission.  I went to the mother and I hugged her, telling her to be strong...and inside my heart broke, because I knew how helpless she felt.  After she left...I locked myself in my office and just wept and wept...for the mother and son....and for my daughter...and for my own broken heart.

So suffering and sorrow brings growth, and I can only thank the Lord that He is the One Who is in control.  I also thank Him that He does not give us a choice in what He allows in our lives...because we would all choose to be "saved from the hour."



  1. Oh, Lynette, how I understand that pain of having to let go! Tough love is a lot harder on parents than it is on our children, you are so right, but... it WORKS! I think our Father knows that and that is why we have to go through rough times sometimes. Be strong my friend, still praying for you, Bianca and every other member of your family.

  2. Oh, Lynette, how I understand that pain of having to let go! Tough love is a lot harder on parents than it is on our children, you are so right, but... it WORKS! I think our Father knows that and that is why we have to go through rough times sometimes. Be strong my friend, still praying for you, Bianca and every other member of your family.

  3. I really am amazed at how you can & do handle these things. I feel for you but have not walked in your shoes & really admire your work.As a mom it must be so hard but you are doing the right thing. Prayers & hugs.

  4. Lynette, we are given a role as mothers to our kids.. we try our best.. we cannot be perfect but we have a Perfector above to guide us.. that, we are thankful..
    u r doing fine, Lynette, u will always be..

  5. This entry brings me to tears...I cant comment anymore right now am too emotional ~ You know why!

    PS got your mail about blog update but no link, can u please email it to me.

  6. At least that Mother had someone who gave her a hug and who totally understands.
    Never makes it worth it though.(in my opinion)

  7. thanks for these wise words you shared with us:)
    you are one amazing lady!
    you are always there for so many others.

  8. So sorry to hear about your daughter, Lynette. I watched my Mom go through something similar with my sister when I was in elementary school. It was very hard on her but eventually my sister came around and they are very close now. It was just something my sister went through but going through that forced her to grow up. I'll continue to pray for y'all! Take Care :o)

  9. Phew Lynette that was a tough read...Yup it's so easy to throw advice until you have been through it yourself. And once you have it is so difficult to relate to "normal" people who have not experienced your kind of for me listening to people here saying how they hate grocery shopping. I am still in awe of the fact that I can do it any time & just down the road as opposed to twice a year across the border with a trailer! I don't know how to comfort you. ALL I am thinking right now is how I hope to never be in your situation...that terrible human nature of mine coming out again lol...I hope it is some comfort to you knowing that there are people like me that feel your pain with you {as much as we are able without having gone through it myself}...

  10. It breaks my heart to hear that story Lynette, and your own story is so sad too, I feel so sorry that you have to go through all this pain my friend, hope God can touch your dd and you can have her back home soon.
    God bless you and your family.

  11. absolutely agree on that : we would all choose to be "saved from the hour." !!!

    Yes we do have the choice of what we can learn from situations such as these - & that our faith will actually be taken to the next level , again & again, when we get thru the other side - the better side - as we come with our praise to our ever loving Father , ever keeping our eyes on Him , inspite of circumstances - my hope always lies in the future when the present wears me out ! No doubt about it .

    We must trust in the very plan & heart of God when we are in that very hard place when things just don't make sense , humanly speaking !

  12. very true, Lynette.
    very true......Thank the Lord, He knows best and remains in control. without His strengh, I wouldn't know where I'd be today!

  13. Well done on such an AMAZING attitude, I am sure that your own path will give you so much empathy at the mission - the people who come to you for help are lucky to have you!

  14. Lynette, my heart is aching for you, and because I have been around the same type of ministry I know what you mean! But now that I have kids of my own I can't imagine how hard that can be to truly use tough love and "Let Go!"

    Also I remember when my dad was still doing drugs and she had been clean and saved for some time. I remember how my mom had to use tough love and say enough was enough, and how hard it was on all of us! But GOD was so faithful and gave her the strength and wisdom to stay strong and eventually He used it to bring my dad to the Lord and to Freedom from drugs. And ultimately restored our family.

    God is faithful and I know it's so hard when we are in the mist of a trial to let go and trust Him! I will be praying for you guys and for your daughter too!

    Hang in there and continue to be a loyal servant of His! He will battle for you! 2 Chronicles 20: 15
    When you get a chance this chapter is just amazing!

    I know the Lord is proud of your stand for HIm! He will continue to strengthen and bless you.

  15. p.s.
    Can you email me your address! I would love to send you a copy of my dad's book. You guys have such a similar ministry I think sometime you should connect with them. One of their ministries is in Kenya.
    here is my email.

  16. So sorry to hear that story and your own sad to hear about your daughter.
    Oh, a single tear rolls down my cheek.
    God bless and protect you and your family.

    HUGS!B xx

  17. Hi Lynette, It's been a while since I have made my rounds to my bloggy friends. At church on Sunday I heard God speak to me and say to lift you up. Now I know why. Sending you hugs! I hope you are feeling a bit better.

  18. Yes, it is the most painful thing for any parent!
    Thinking of you...


Thank you for visiting my blog...your comments are appreciated ♥