Monday, June 28, 2010

Letting go...

Since Bianca left I sent her an sms every few days...on Friday I sent her one again.  "Hi Bokkie, only one more day and you will be 21, what are you planning for your big day?  Please let me know where you are so that your dad and I can find some peace in knowing that you are safe."

She replied that she was okay, with Marc (but only since Thursday) and his grandmother and that Marc needs his computer that was still on at our home, when would it suit us to pick it up.  I sent a sms back saying that they could come around on Saturday and collect her gift at the same time.  She has not been with Marc all the time, he told us that she was in Plettenberg Bay and he bought a bus ticket for her to come back to PE.  We still don't know what she is planning to do, or where she is planning to live.  Marc will be leaving to go back to Johannesburg on Thursday.  He admitted to us that he is deeply concerned about her and that she is not prepared to listen to his advise.

Then DH and I started praying for wisdom and calm so that we will not alienate her even more by the way we react to her when she walks through that door.  On Saturday morning we resolved not to ask questions, not to show how this is affecting us emotionally and that we will not accuse or point fingers...we will just extend grace and show our love for her.  A policy was taken out for her when she was a baby and was due to be paid out at the beginning of the year, we felt strongly that although we will no longer support her financially that this money is due to her and that we will have it released into her account this week.  She is planning to continue her studies and with good budgeting the money should last until she completes her course at the end of the year and finds employment.

Receiving her into the house as a guest felt weird, we congratulated her, hugged and kissed and she acted as if it is quite normal to come for a visit.  No regrets, no remorse, no emotion.  They stayed for coffee and in this time we told her that we release her, letting her go to go and live her life.  We assured her that this will always be her home and to stay in touch.

In the past years we have repeatedly encouraged her to find a casual job for extra pocket money and to gain some experience of life...she was never interested.  Now things are different, she has an interview for a casual job at GM this afternoon.  The editor of GM's publications is my cousin Denise, and there is a pretty good chance that she will get a casual job there.  Now the question is how she will get there, will get to the college etc.  DH and I have made our peace, she is considered an adult, she now has to make her own arrangements and decisions.

Letting go is not easy.  Bianca was diagnosed with epilepsy in 2005 and we have always been very protective. Her life was easy, we gave her everything that she could possibly want....she lived a very sheltered life.  She did not leave in a "nice" way...but we now feel that she has officially moved out and we are at peace.  She believes that this is freedom, but we know that she will only be free once she has come out of the darkness into the light...and that is what we will continue to pray over her life.

Thank you to YOU my special friends...for being there, encouraging and upholding us in prayer.  I will continue to post on this blog and will keep you updated on the deep issues of my heart.



  1. Oh Lynette! Bless you, sweet friend! You sound so strong, yet I know how this must be killing you inside.
    You have been constantly in my thoughts and prayers x-x
    May you and your DH find strength in each other to work through this difficuilt roller-coaster of emotions.
    K x

  2. I am so pleased you have had to the opportunity to see Bianca, have her in your home and (to some degree) make your peace together.

    Much strength to you guys - I hope to see you later this week if you are up to it okay? xx

  3. Dear Lynnete, I can imagine how was it hard to keep your emotions when you had Bianca at home! But I think it was the best and wise decision! Continue praying with you that she turns back to Light! Lots of love, Svit xxx

  4. I am so glad that you at least got to see her on Saturday and have some indication of where she is and what she is doing.

    I think you have handled it in the best possible way - the fact that she does not want Marc's advice must tell you something too.

    Interesting that the epilepsy is also 5 years ago?

    Please know I will keep you in my prayers.

  5. Still praying for alll of you my friend. Must have been good to have her there, but I know it broke your heart to let her go.
    The mere fact that she has come back to PE, even though she says she isn't listening to advice is a good sign.

  6. I think you are handling it very well! To always be available for her!
    It must have been very difficult on her 21st birthday. My thoughts are with you!
    But glad you could see her again...

  7. so admirable that you & Dh handled Bianca's coming home with the calm & strength that you did , hun !!!

    It would sound ideal if she does land a casual job at GM for at least your cousin is there ! Bianca has everything on the side of light, with parents & family like your ,hun, praying her into the Kingdom ! We stand steadfast in faith for nothing is impossible with our God !!!

  8. Thank heavens you've seen her! That in itself must have been a huge relief. You definitely did the right thing by not accusing, prying or blaming, that would have alienated her no end.

    You've started the first rung on the ladder to getting back some kind of relationship with her. That is definitely a good thing. She sounds like a very bright girl, and with love and understanding (but not necessarily acceptance of what she's doing), hopefully she'll see how important you are in her life.

    I've not spoken to my mother for over 2 months after an enormous fall out, but it doesn't mean I don't love her. Even if I can't understand where she's coming from and have been really hurt, I still love her very much. I'm sure Bianca feels the same.


  9. How wonderful to come into your parents home and warm loving arms. How amazing to be shown pure love and respect.

    Wow wow wow

  10. Although I know this is still such a hard and worrying time for you I am so glad that you were able to hold and love your daughter once more and that you know she is well and safe.
    I will continue to hold your family in my prayers and think of you often

  11. Lynette, I am so glad that you all have been able to get together. It sounds as though God has granted you the wisdom to know how to start dealing with this. With continued prayer, I hope that she is able to get the help she needs. But, for now, I'm so glad you know that she is safe.

  12. We are doing a study right now on living in the light. As I go through this I will be sure to say extra prayers for Bianca. It sounds like you are staying strong and letting God guide you. xxx A

  13. God will be in control, Lynette..

  14. I have not been able to comment much but I have been praying for her safety and for her heart to be softened and her eyes opened. You have been so strong through all of this, hang in there.

  15. Lynette, I have been keeping thoughts of you very close to my heart! I know this time is difficult for you and I feel your pain. I glad you have seen & spoken to Bianca and know that she is safe. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you have taught her in the ways she should go, and in the end she will find the light.
    Peace to you my friend.

  16. You & hubby have been so brave & shown strength ( I am sure inwardly you are in pieces ) but you have so done the right thing. Will continue with prayers for you all & good will come of this no matter how awful it is now. Prayers & hugs.

  17. Lynette, I really think you and your husband are doing the right thing, I know is difficult but she will mature, and this way she know that she have the doors open any time she needs you. Some times you get more with honey than vinegar, dont you think?

    Will keep you all in my prayers and Happy Birthday to her again!

  18. I am so glad that she came to visit. yes, you are doing the right thing, i hope once she is settled that she will visit you regularly. she needs time{i think}but she will also realise that it is actually hard out there, on your own and for her to cope,she will take His hand.
    I am happy that you are also making peace,you and your husband are wonderful people,good luck!

  19. I think you have handled this with grace and love and that when Bianca is older she will understand the heartache she caused but the strength that both you and your DH have handled it with.

  20. So glad to know she is safe. What a blessing that you were able to meet with her and make sure she knew what she could expect from now on.

    I'm so impressed with your strength and wisdom. You are a wonderful mother.

  21. I'm sure you must have been relieved to see her all in one piece & know that she is still around & not too far away. Prayer is no doubt the most effective tool in the situation. Hope you are enjoying your well-deserved break ;-D


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