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Sunday, February 7, 2010

When life gives you lemons

  • When life hands you lemons make lemonade.
  • When life hands you lemons add tequila. (Yuck!)
  • When life throws you lemons duck. (I'm trying...I'm trying:)
  • When God hands you lemons pray.(I am doing this one!!!!)
  • When life hands you lemons curl up and take a nap. (with the help of a "little white helper...:)
  • When life hands you lemons blog about it!  (I like this one:)
  • When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Then, find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party! (tempting...tempting)
  • When life hands you lemons hope for the best.
 
Well peoples...to keep you up to scratch this is what we walked through in this week:
  1. On Monday DS2 was diagnosed with a pretty dangerous condition.
  2. On Wednesday DS1 started divorce proceedings
  3. On Saturday DD did not return from a date for 24 hours....eeeeekkkk!
I would say that is quite a number of lemons.  Add to this the fact that DH and DS1 & 2 is currently away on a "long-ago-planned" golfing weekend...and you can gather the state of mind of this mother when her daughter did not come home.

One of our dear friends (attorney, cell group member, intercessor) and his wife was here, they drove me to the police station to complete a "missing persons report", they drove up and down the streets where DD was supposed to have gone, they caught me when I fell apart and just sobbed and sobbed, they brought me food and sat down to make sure I eat it, they brought me tablets to calm me, they prayed for me and held me, they looked in on me every few hours and phoned in-between to make sure I was okay.

...and then...in she walked at 7 o' clock as if nothing was amiss, trying to convince me I am the problem, I over reacted.  Not a word of apology...and boy, what an attitude.  Then I realised, she wants to upset me and  hurt me...and I was totally astounded. This girl, that I love SO much, who I shielded from the ugly things in life and always smoothed her way...and this is how she feels toward me. What she wanted was my swift anger and a blow-up, but I remained calm, took away her cell phone (I pay her contract and according to me it is there for my convenience not hers), cut off her internet and removed her computer from her room.  (It is not her right to have it, it is a privilege....one that she will have to earn from now on).  She will no longer receive pocket money, she will have to find herself someway to earn her own.  Up till now we fetched and carried her to and from college, many times at odd times that inconvenienced us....I am strongly considering getting her monthly bus tickets and letting her take responsibility for getting there herself. If she has no consideration and respect for me, she is going to find our the harsh realities of life.

What would you have done, my dear friends?  Any words of wisdom?

17 comments:

  1. I have spoken to you so wont repeat it all here - we on the same page.

    something hit me while reading this...if she is going to want to *get you back * she is going to rely on whoever it was she dated that night. she is going to turn to him for help..so watch out for that now..

    Otherwise I'm still praying for your son and of course for you my friend...

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  2. o Lynette !

    Perhaps I can share a little on the sermon we had last Sat nite & see if this in any way at all will help -

    We learnt , in summary , when changes come , often times its the transition that gets to us & brings us down - rather than the change ! Transition means - the mental & emotional response we have to the change/s presented to us .

    So focus on the transition rather than the change is the essence we came away with - the changes may be for better or worse but we can manage the transitions better when we are more fully aware what's happening to us mentally & emotionally.

    Cant blame you at all with taking away DD's privileges but yes I would be wary of her turning more & more to her boyfriend in that case ...

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  3. Oh Lynette, I think we might be twins, at least I think our families must be linked in some strange weird way. I can't think of words of advice, because I handled it all wrong and I still don't know what would have been the right way. All I know to do is pray, pray, pray. Letting her go to College by bus is giving her the opportunity to not go at all, so I would still take her, she will propably hate that even more,

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  4. My dear. I think i would have done the same thing, altho i would have probably gone a bit crazy when she walked in. I think cutting off her priviledges is the thing to do, however i would continue to fetch and carry (and if need be walk her to her class) because you can bet your bottom dollar that she is going to try and wiggle out of schoool now too, just to annoy you even further.

    xxx

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  5. Agge nee Lynnette - as if you needed more stres in your life! I suspect that she might be trying to get you attention. Obviously your sons and the problems are big in your life at the moment and she might feel "neglected". Kids are so weird that way. You'd think that she's old enough to see what you're going through and not wanting to add to your problems.

    Good thing you managed to remain calm. Taking away her priveledges is a good thing. Just remember to always show her that you still love her unconditionally - that it's only her behaviour that you cannot tolerate.

    Clearly the devil has his fork in for you. I'll speak to PAPPA long and hard and will ask Him to keep you and your family right in the palm of His hand. :)

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  6. Oh Lynette,you acted with wisdom. I think you did exactly the right thing.

    So wonderful of God to provide good friends to help you in a time of need.

    I do however think that she is acting up for attention. But that does not mean she gets her privileges back.

    Please know that I will keep you in my prayers.

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  7. Lynette, I m most astonished to read about what you have gone thru these days.. sorry to hear that rift between your girl and u.. I have a teenaged daughter myself and at times I also dont know what to do with her, i always myself whether I have pampered her too much or not, like u, with everything supplied smoothly for her, she doesnt seem to appreciate and at times it is very frustrating. We ended up not talking to each other at times esp when she is in the foul mood. But thank God, we will be fine in a couple hours or so.. and then the cycle repeats again. Lynette, we are still learning to be parents and perhaps now we have to learn to be friends with them as well...
    You have many good frens around u.. with all the support, may God bring u through this time of difficulties... He will make the best out of this situations..
    Be strong.. Take care..

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  8. Ai, ai, lynette. Ek gaan maar nou in my taal praat. Jy is 'n wonderlike persoon en ma!! jy het reg opgetree, ek sou nie so kalm kon bly nie, verloor myself soms in tawwe situasies. Maar bly maar koes vir daai suurlemoene vriendin, jy gaan die soet na die tyd proe, ek is oortuig daarvan. sterkte vir hierdie week jy is in my gebede.xxx

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  9. Lynette I had knots in my tummy as the story unfolded. Mothering gets harder as they get older, I think.

    I am right with you, independence and responsibility go in equal measure. If she acts responsible she gain independence, when she acts irresponsible she looses her independence.

    But its tough to do. Sterkte en ek hoop Kobus is home soon. x x x

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  10. I can't imagine what you're going through.
    Seems just too much to bear.
    Sending you a hug!

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  11. The only thing I can say right now is: try to be strong . What have you been through these days is something unbelievable!But you are such a wise woman!.
    Love you.
    ((hugs))

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  12. Oh Lynette, I am so upset to hear of all the challenges you have to deal with in your life at present. You must feel like your life is being ripped apart. It's hard enough to deal with just one of these at a time but all three.....unfair.
    You are not going through this alone, you are blessed with true friends who really care about you.
    If you and your daughter can't talk to each other openly, then maybe you could both write down your feelings with no accusations or judgments. That way, you might find out what the real issues are.
    My heart feels for you with the news of your sons.

    Sending you love and hugs
    Irene xx

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  13. Gosh what a lot on your plate. I agree with you wholeheartedly on withdrawing the privledges. To put you through this at the moment is so unfair but maybe she is feeling neglected - ridiculous I know. I had my own issues with my little sweetheart this weekend too, so I know how it feels.

    You dont deserve this, hugs and lots of love

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  14. oh Lynette... as the saying goes: It doesn't rain, it pours!
    You have a lot on your plate right now... one step at a time, hey.
    You handled your daughters situation well... I am dreading it when mine are teens!!
    "This too shall pass"
    Thinking of you x-x-x

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  15. I can't imagine all that you are going through right now - all at once. I am glad that your daughter is ok though. Hang in there!

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  16. I so agree with you Lynnete...I have had to take a hard line with my "little girl" as well. In my case I feel to blame even though I am not. I just feel maybe if I had done this or that differently...but like you, I had a hard time when younger & I didn't want her to have to go through that uneccesarily. Now I have spoiled her I think. As she's my first teenager {my eldest} I don't know how much light is at the end of the tunnel or how long it will take until I can see more of it, but since tightening things up around here it's amazing that she has improved so much. Also caught her out this weekend though & I was also over-reacting apparently! I have found it easier to understand by realising that she has the mind of a 16 year old with little experience & little idea of the consequences of her actions. I think you have done the right thing so don't back down, stick with it & above all be calm. That is at the heart of all real & genuine discipline.

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  17. So sorry to hear about all of this Lynette! You are such a strong woman! It definitely seems like your DD is trying to push your buttons so I think it was a good thing to take away her privileges. Although it doesn't help now, she will someday realize what she has done and why you reacted the way you did. I pray for your peace in the next few weeks and some rest :o) Take care friend!

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