Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Girl warned!!! (no male comments allowed)

Last night DH and I was watching TV later than normal and "Knocked Up" was showing.

"Uproarious....explosively funny"?  Well, that probably depends on what tickles your funny bone.  The bad language and vulgar story line of easy sex, nudity etc. was the thing that put us off from watching it past the first few scenes.  One scene however made a HUGE impression on DH... that was were the girl goes to the gynecologist for the examination to find out if she is pregnant.

DH:  Is that REALLY what they do?
Me:  You believe it!...Why do you think I put it off every time?
DH:  NO!
Me:  I tell you what...I think it is a good idea that when I have to go for my "annual" you have to start going for an annual prostate test.
DH:  Not a chance.

This also reminded me that it was time to make the "annual" appointment, as the gynae I go to is booked up 3 months in advance. If I have to compile a "DREAD" list this one will be at the very top...closely followed by....wait for it....M.A.M.M.O.G.R.A.M!  I have not been a "good" girl when it comes to keeping my annual appointments, actually I skipped them for four years until 18 months ago when my little sister went for hers and found that she had the beginnings of cervical cancer.  THAT and only THAT scared me into going again last year.

On the morning of the appointment nerves are frayed and fear causes one starts worrying about odours....YIKES!  It does not help much that the doc  is so friendly, making small talk to try and make one feel more at ease... and all I can think about is "get a move on and get it over."  While I lie there trying my best to remember to breathe he will comment about "what a trim little body you have" and "how do you manage to stay slim?"....and all I want to do is jump up and run!  "Just relax...." They always say that don't they? I always feel like saying "you try relaxing when you feel like you have a traffic cone shoved up your tush!"

Then despite me telling him that I have JUST had a mammogram and that was all clear....he will go ahead regardless checking the "neat little breasts"....ICK! (wonder if the emphasis was on "neat" or on "little") Why using the diminutive naming of everything is supposed to make you feel at ease I am yet to figure out.  When he says:  "Okay...we are all done."  I am off that bed, dressed and out the door like a rocket...vowing to get myself a "lady doctor".  The dreaded appointment over, this vow is quickly forgotten until NEXT year, when we have a repeat performance.

Mammogram?  I think we will leave that one for now.  Here is how you train before you go for one:

The Lord sure made the female of the species strong....with menstrual cycles, PMS, pregnancy, child birth, menopause, mammograms and pap smears....strong is what we need to be to survive.

Soooo.....what is at the top of your dread list?



  1. I am so with you on this one. Except I am just downright stupid. I haven't seen the inside of the gynae's rooms in 24 years!!! The M word, well, actually I have never gone. Yes you read right, I know I am stupid, but I just can't bring myself to actually make the appointment and go. Are there any volunteers out there that wants to come with me and hold my hand? I know I should, but... OK I have run out of excuses now, but I am still not going.

  2. Tertia, if I lived near you...I would volunteer to hold your hand. Do go thought...but get a woman gyne...I think it should be so much easier then.

  3. The Dentist and the Gynae are both on my dread list.
    I have actually been to my lady gynae in the last year... the dentist last had me in that chair 10 years ago, even though I take the kids for their yearly checkups.
    Never gone for the mammogram even though I've been given the script (twice).

  4. I would rather go to the gynae monthly than visit a dentist annually! The dentist tops my fear and loating list every time!!!

    This post really made me giggle - thank you!

  5. @Stefanie - The dentist's drill don't scare me at all...not even slightly nervous.

    @Mel - so glad I could make you giggle:)

  6. you are so funny.... i don't really mind gyane's

    my first gynae - i went to him for years and had both babies with him - who was quite old. he used to joke that we liked his shaking fingers. he is married to Phillipa Chefitz the foodie so he would sit below my sheet with his head lamp or whatever and say "so have you tried any of her recipes lately."

    personally i would rather not a lady gynae - euch !

  7. @Meriel - I bet you were rolling your eyes at the idea of talking recipes at a sensitive time like that:O

  8. Those comments just don't seem appropriate! I have a lady doc and it is much more relaxed (well, minus the spectrum that I swear was made for elephants!).

  9. ag, i know, i HATE it, also been putting it off for yeeeaaars now:( but i heard a while ago, we have a lady gynae in town:) let me tell you this, one friend of mine, went for her annual visit, she went for a wax the day before(it was winter)she had a corduroy pants on(black) so when she had to undress all the little fluff of this pants stuck on the bit of stickyness, still left from the wax!!LOL!! she was sooo embarresed, shame:)
    anyways, i also dont like the dentist, that is second on my list too, i think it is because the tear open your mouth stick all those things into your mouth and you cant say a word!!
    Great post, BUT absolutely: our woman should rule the world!!

  10. I really hate pap smears!!!!!! With passion!! I just think woman always have to suffer so much!!! =(
    I feel bad for my daughter.

  11. @Tania - I heard a similar incident involving sequins...and thought it was a joke...I guess anything is possible...just imagine the gynae shouldn't have gone to so much trouble:)

  12. I have to be honest here so here goes:

    I loved that movie (i love Katherine Heigl)
    Gynaes don't phase me. At all. And I actually prefer a male to female. As for mammograms - they are not great, but when I had mine a couple of years back the sister who did it was wonderful. I was expecting far worse. And dentists - no prob either.

    Obviously i'm just weird.

    Thanks for a fab post, it made me chuckle (rather loudly!)

  13. @Darien & Tania - I SO don't want to rule the world...too much responsibility...will never cope with all the female things and ruling the world :D

    @Shayne - I also love Katherine Hiegl...and am so happy that she is not dead in Grey's - just did not like all the "F" words and the graphic talk of sex...sorry the prude in me:)

  14. your post is a reminder i'm due for my blood test, pap smear and i've been finding excuses forever... bad me; i better get something done... ! that last picture LOL !!u find the Best comical!

  15. Had to chuckle its obviously a woman thing, I went for a check up after 22years & landed up having an emergency hysterectomy the very next day - so don't ignore the little signs, pains etc that we always ignore. I do now go regularly for my mammogram not the best but its worth it. BTW I love the dentist LOL.

  16. I was terrified of the gynae when I first got married - promise you I nearly lost it the first few visits!!
    Then, after an ectopic pregnancy (*sob*), I had to go every 6 weeks, and that totally cured me of any hang-ups just from sheer over exposure! LOL!
    Now I am totally unphased and I have 2 - a lady specialist and a man for general things. YIKES.

    So now the thing that haunts me is natural childbirth!! Could not think of anything more terrifying. As maternal and baby verskrik as I am, I am yet to conquer that one!! I am praying hard about it though :-)

    And I am also not sure that your doc should be making those remarks....but I guess it depends on how he says it hey.

    Great post! I could totally relate!

  17. @Emeline - yeah...I also tend to (want) to forget:O

    @Jenny - It is fear that keeps me away and fear that makes me weird.

    @Kate - so sorry to hear about the ectopic pregnancy. That reminds me I did not put childbirth on my list of things us women folk endure...but I think you don't need to fear...with epidural etc things are so much more easy.

    @Kate and Anna - I am honest if I say that the doc's remarks make me feel uncomfortable, but I spoke to other patients of his and he is that way with all of he obviously have no bad intentions.

    Overall...I guess this dread stems from the fact that one feels so exposed and vulnerable.

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  19. I have a great "lady "doctor - aptly named Dr Barbie by Hunter when he met her with the pregnancies. She is straight talking, heats up the tools (yes! - only a woman will think of that) and is fab in general. I have to go for my first mammogram soon - I am already scared.

    And I agree with Mellie -the dentist.... my biggest fear.

  20. It is SO IMPORTANT that you take care of yourself.
    After my divorce, I have my hysterectomy as I was injured when ex kicked me.
    Take good care of yourself.

  21. Lynette--you have me rolling on the floor! And thanks for the reminder that I need to schedule an appointment :P

  22. Oh man lynette!!! Whata funny post!!
    Your gynae sounds like a pervert!! As a medical professional, I have to say that his comments are NOT appropriate AT.ALL. I see patients all day long in various stages of undressed-ness... and have never once commented on their body! That is sick.
    Get yourself a new gynae... it might make a very unpleasant experience a tad more bearable.

    I don't enjoy gynaes, dentists and I have never had a mammogram! But I'm not looking forward to it! x

  23. I used to love the dentist until they drilled too far for a filling & hit a nerve & I spent a year in pain trying to sort it out with root canal treatment. Now I start feeling ill a good week before my check up. As for the gynae - 3 natural childbirths later I flash it all no problem...just so long as the person's wearing a white coat - I reckon they've seen it all...

  24. I love Katherine but hated that movie, in fact I switched it off after awhile, yes, and i am a prude too.

    Gynae, HATE it but I do go once a year, but i think that will change here, women very rarely see a gynae even when pregnant.


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