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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Bad Mommy!

I feel like a bad mother!  Now, if my friend Heloise was around she would have said..."Man, jy voel verkeerd, voel oor! (You are not feeling correctly, feel again.) So my heart is a little heavy right now.

So much for choosing the word excellence! (rapping myself over the knuckles)  So now I have to confess, my first failure, I don't succeed in being an excellent mom.Pouty

Please tell me why mothers and daughters clash?
I don't want to be her best friend...but I would like it if she could just speak to me in a decent way.
Did I indulge my DD too much and spoil her?
Am I over-compensating and allowing things because I feel sorry for her (because of her epilepsy) and now she thinks she can walk all over me?

I did not go to work today...shame man, those people at the mission already have enough problems of their own without me having a melt down.  At the same time the house was just too small (and I have a BIG house) for both of us this morning.  SO...I made an appointment to meet DH for coffee.  Yes, an appointment...this is serious...he needed to hear what makes me unhappy.  He allows her to manipulate him (she will always ask Daddy if she wants the answer to be YES)  and he does not stand up for me when she speaks to me in a disrespectful way.

Nuff said...I am off to go get a life.

12 comments:

  1. Oh Lynette. I have no daughters. But my heart aches to see you sad.

    Well done on making an appointment. I do know what you mean about needing your man to stand up for you. x x x x

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  2. I'm sorry Lynette that you having a bad day. You know, My dd is only 2 yrs so I cant give you to much of advice on parenting. I dont think you ever learn how to be a good parent, but I think we always know what is the best for them, because we love them the way no body is going to love them; I think the relationship with your kids have up's and downs So you really need to give it a break and then when everything is more calm, talk to her and your family. I dont know what else to say, its complicated. XOXO

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  3. Yep, my DD has learnt that one too.
    We all have our days, ups and downs...and the excellence thang is a goal, something you attempt to achieve daily, you're still reaching higher than you would without having something you need to stretch to attain. Vasbyt!

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  4. I think i said all I can about this during our phone call.

    As Stef says - vasbyt.

    Stick to your guns here friend.

    And you know where I am if you need a shoulder.

    xxx

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  5. Oh, Lynette, how I feel for you. I have 3 daughters and yes, we clash. One of them in particular, has made some very bad (stupid?) choices in her life which has impacted on the rest of her life, but she blames everybody except herself. A while ago she accused me of never having loved her and never having done anything for her, despite the fact that my DH and I pay her childrens private school education, have taken financing on their car in our name, bacause they are not credit worthy etc., etc., you get the picture. I was devastated and fell apart completely, beating myself up about being the worst mom in the entire world (her words, not mine), untill a friend told me. You raised her differently. You raised her to follow the Lord and do the right things, but now she is grown up and you can no longer take responsability for her choices in life, she has to. So dear friend, your friend is right, feel again, its so NOT your fault! My dearest mother, who was a God fearing, wise woman would have said: "Ag man, moenie worry nie, sy's kwaad vir haar gat!"
    Its not easy, believe me, but we have to learn not to make everything our children say and do be a reflection of our parenting. I am still struggling with that one, but it is getting easier every time.
    Sterkte, dink aan jou.

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  6. Oh please dont let me get started!!!

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  7. lots of great comments here already.
    I don't have daughters, but I am one....and the number of times I said hurtful things to my mom, then regretted it 5min later, adds up to a whole lot of God's Grace! love the saying from Tertia's mom..."sy's kwaad vir haar eie gat!"
    Don't worry, God sees and knows all!

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  8. I have two teenage daughters. Jasmine, the eldest , is having NEPROTIC SYNDROME ,a kidney condition. She has to take steriod and that makes her very aggressive.

    She always accused me of not listening to her.*sigh* a GREAT DAY is a day when she does not have her MOOD SWINGS and expect me to LISTEN.

    Take care of yourself. I feel for you.

    Know that YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER.

    Give yourself a hug.

    hugs,
    shakira

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  9. Ai Lynette, I think we all have that problem, we so want to the perfect mother, but as our daughters are not perfect, we are also not. I think we mothers, especially me, since i only have one, we sometimes put our kids on a "troontjie" and then when the day comes that we do have a clash, we are just so much more dissapointed. Me and my little Megs we also fight and I am not shy to say, that she is the stronger one of us two, she has a very strong will,it always feels as though she walks over me, but I love her for that too!! It assures me that she would be able to stand up for herself one day. Hope you feel better already!!

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  10. Oh Lynette... I hear you! I also only have 1 daughter, who is only 3. And whilst I love her fiercely I can ALREADY see how she manipulates a situation... and Dad is putty in her hands.
    And being one of 4 girls myself, I know I locked heads with my Mum when I was an adolescant, and now that I am a mum myself, I have to confess.... mother is always right!!
    It's tough now, but she'll come around and you will have a lovely relationship again x
    Thinking of you x

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  11. From what I have come to understand about you and your relationships with your family members, I would guess that this is just one of those times when hasty things are said (but not meant) and that she probably already hates herself for them.

    I'm betting it will all blow over soon - but ja, I also think our men should always stand firmly with us.

    Its always a horrible feeling when harsh words have been spoken inside the family.
    I hope peace returns really soon.

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  12. I hope everything will be alright soon! such a heavy load you're carrying right now. You will be in my prayers.

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