Friday, September 18, 2009

Such a fool...

....not to have seen this one coming! 

Why is it that I can reach people, from teenagers to old people, and counsel them, but I can't reach my own?

She has been dating a young man for more than a year...a few weeks ago I noticed that she was irritated by him.  She told me that he was obsessively jealous and that he is forever checking up on her.  So for the past three weeks there has been an relationship.  Last week she finally told him that it is over, and she seemed fine.  She has mastered the art of wearing a mask of indifference.  A happy face that hides the tears.  That is her way of coping, even with her epilepsy she would never show how much it affects her.

I am not hurt by what she did...disappointed maybe....concerned most certainly. She is a young lady that would normally do what is expected of her, cutting classes is not like her at all.  At first she did not want to talk to me about it when I confronted her.  I explained to her that friends and boyfriends will come in and out of her life, but that we as parents will be the one constant....and the ones that will still be there when all falls apart. What ever happens she has to remember that one thing...WE LOVE HER UNCONDITIONALLY.  Until yesterday I did not realise just how much the break-up affected her.  The sad thing was that he started rumours that she was seeing someone else behind his back and HORRORS OF HORRORS that she was secretly cutting herself.  She cut classes because she could not face all the other students that believed the lie.

My immediate reaction was to want to take this young man by his neck and force him to admit that he spread lies about her.  After sleeping on it  tossing and turning all night, I realise that it would be better to let this thing just die down naturally.  Her college work is still up to date, so she will be returning to class on Monday.

I just realise again how important it is to stay alert where your children are concerned...and that you cannot always trust what is in front of you.


  1. I really feel for both of you. And you are a wonderful mother. Never doubt the bond you have with Bianca - she has always turned back to you, because she knows she can rely on you.
    I hope her hurt heals - deciding to break up with him, even though she still loves him must hurt terribly and his subsequent betrayal must be heart breaking. I will be praying for her.

  2. At least you can now move forward & be there. Prayers are with you.

  3. I'm so sorry to hear about this situation , Lynette ! this part of parenting teenages really isnt easy !!!

    Your DD is soo lucky to have you !


  4. Gee, Lynette - it just keeps coming, doesn't it?

    Does Bianca also want to just leave everything alone and move on?
    Poor girl - its harder somehow for the ones who keep stuff locked inside than the ones who cry and freak out.

    I'm sure you are doing a great job - she will tell you one day just how great.

  5. I also feel like I should have seen some things coming, should have seen signs or just "known" but how you've reacted has been excellent - I now know where to turn when the curve balls come.

  6. Yup Allie - somebody wants to wear us down:)

    She does not want us to confront him and she is a little scared that her father will break the young man's neck...which he obviously feels like doing. So it seems to be the best thing to do.

  7. Die arme kind, ek kon sien dat sy nie lekker voel nie! Sterkte vir julle almal!

  8. Wow. Daily reminders how important no matter the age we need to be in our children's lives. I am praying for her to see God's sunshine through it all.

    I just told A the other day that no matter how much she wants to pull away her daddy and I will not. That we will be the constant in her life that she can lean upon regardless. I always tell A that we are a team and we are on her team to ensure she knows that we are there for her. I think its a comfort to her right now, but I know and remember turning into a teenager and its here on our door steps as I write...

    We must never cease to pray for our children! I will lift yours up, if you please lift mine up! :)


  9. Children sure have a way to keep us on our toes, glad she was able to chat to you, and I hope it gets better for both of you, no more stress is needed. My turn is coming,with my 2 girls. I shiver at the thought...

  10. Yes, its often difficult to fathom hidden emotions. You've handled the situation beautifully and with so much compassion.

  11. Oh, man, that is tough! I will be praying for you and for her. I just read in Acts chapter 23 &24 where Paul is being falsely accused. I was so inspired by his actions during his conviction and how he waited to defend himself and how he trusted the Lord in the midst of undeserved criticism. If you get a chance read these chapters with focusing on Pauls response to the accusations raised against him. It is truly inspiring! I pray that the Lord would strengthen your daughter. I know it is not easy being in that situation, but God is good and he uses all things for HIS glory!

  12. So sorry to hear about this situation, Lynette. Parenting teenages it's so difficult..
    Prayers are with you.

  13. Sjoe Lynette...sorry...don't be too disillusioned though...they get up to all this right before our eyes and it's not that we aren't watching...but we also want a life that doesn't involve being a private detective 24/7. Mine also wears the mask of indifference & this is what I do not understand. I am more than happy to help & talk but she doesn't want to. Not much more you can do then. Kids need to learn how to cope because these trials never would have been easier just facing these people on day 1 & getting it over with than having to do it so much later on. Thank goodness she kept up with the work at least...where was she going for the day???

  14. Wow. I am so pleased you have uncovered the back story. How awful for her. And now for you. YOu are in my thoughts and prayers. Know you are doing an awesome job.

  15. Lynette, I am sorry your dear daughter has to endure the lies of this young man..It is very sad that some people can be so cruel and hateful. Thank God for mothers like you, who no matter what, will be there for her. I pray for peace in her life and strength to get through this...{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} for you and Bianca...

  16. Couldn;t have said it better myself. My daughter who is only 14 and starting her freshman year of high school is the same way. Can't ever gauge he emotion and I DO try. Hope everything turns out well for the both of you;o)

  17. oh shame! Teenage angst!! It's the pits. You are doing a fantastic job... in a few months time this will all seem very insignificant, and in a few years time you probably won't remember it at all.
    Thinking of you now though whilst it still all feels so raw

  18. I'm so sorry Lynette for not reading this sooner... you must have been feeling so rotten. I don't know how I would react when it would concern my daughter but I think I would want to hit the living daylights out of him!! (not very christian at all, sorry). I admire you for your careful reaction! I wish you two good luck and really hope you will be feeling better soon, both of you!!

  19. Lynette -
    I am so sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. You are incredible person and she is so blessed to have you as a mom.


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