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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Triggers

My friend at Robin's Perch wrote something that made me think, and she encouraged me to do this post. Unless you are one of the fortunate ones that grew up with no hang ups, no traumatic experiences in a "perfect" home and family...you WILL have triggers. Things that happen, or something said to you (or someone else) that instantly transports you to way back when...and all the fears, doubts and pain floods back into your life.

I have come to know and understand my trigger. I can't stand shouting of any kind. My children were probably some of few that grew up with a mother that never shouted at them. I also taught them never to shout at others because that would be disrespectful. This action got my one son into trouble when he was in grade 2 and reacted to a shouting teacher. He got up and said: " Juffrou, jy mag nie op my skree nie...my ma skree nie eens op my nie." (Miss, you are not allowed to shout at me, not even my mom shouts at me).

A few years ago we had a visiting pastor preaching and he was one of those men who have a "talking voice" and a very different, very loud "preaching voice". I sat a few rows from the front with DH. When this pastor started "preaching" I cringed and clung to DH's hand for dear life. Eventually he wiggled his hand out of my strangle hold and the marks of my nails were etched into his flesh. I gradually started sliding of my chair and ended up sitting on the floor with my hands over my ears...I had to get away from the shouting...it just brought back such strong childhood memories...and for a while I was little again. Looking back at it now it seems funny and I can laugh about it...DH still sometimes tease me about it...but the fear was SO REAL.

This makes me think...why did I react like this so many years into adulthood? When does the memories fade...when do we stop reacting to triggers?

15 comments:

  1. Lynette - wow what a post. This is something I never think about. I think I might have to ponder this and see if I can figure out what make me cringe. Thanks for sharing something so personal.

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  2. I love the fact that we all share deeply personal things that matter to us - yet as scary as it is to voice them, others learn so much by reading and pondering their own lives.
    This made me also stop at look at how I am raising my kids (and raising my voice).

    Thanks Lynette xxx

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  3. Yes, indeed we all have triggers!!!! I have just recently discover mine. Old men that are very 'loving'.....

    A nightmare played off in my mind and I 'saw' things that happened long ago that have been locked away....

    So yes, if we don't find our triggers we can not get to the healing process.

    Thanx for a excellent post Lynette!!!

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  4. I know several ppl that were yelled at as children and struggle with the same thing. I was lied to a lot and have a really hard time with that. I think these triggers help change those we are close to. Especially if they took on the habit, but cannot stand for others to do it to them. Maybe we never get rid of the triggers, but I think that's OK. It's part of who we are and our mess has the potential to be our message:)

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  5. What a phenomenal post. Soemthing that i need to think about.

    Thank you for sharing and delving into the depths of your heart to retell your tale.

    you are a very special lady.

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  6. yes we all do have triggers and I don't know if we ever get over it. Thank you for sharing about yours.

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  7. Weird to me that we are all so different yet all the same. My mother used to shout at me so much growing up, but that isn't my trigger. Mine? you ask, that thing that I totally over react to every single time...any inference that I am stupid or slow will unleash a reaction every single time.
    Great post.

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  8. I think quite a few of us can relate to the trigger issue. For me there are definitely more than one trigger. One especially is sleeping in a cot or seeing a baby's cot as I was left for hours on end in a cot in an Orphinage where I was from a baby until I was adopted 3+ years later. Thanks for sharing this.
    Hugs
    Desire

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  9. Dit is nie so weird nie, Lynette. Ek het een keer "weg gehardloop" van 'n vriendin se huis omdat sy en haar man op mekaar geskree het. Ek het uit die huis uitgehardloop na my kar toe - teen die tyd dat ek daar gekom het, kon ek nie meer asem haal nie; ek het so angstig gevoel. Ek het heelpad huis-toe gehuil. Ek dink al jou sussies sit met daai probleem.
    Baie lief vir jou.
    XXX

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  10. Dankie Herlien vir die kommentaar...ek was so bietjie versigtig toe ek dit gepos het want ek was bang vir hoe jy en Anita daarop sou reageer:)

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  12. Great post, Lynette.
    It seems many things were difficult in your growing up years, which just makes it more phenominal that you are the person you are today.
    God has woven all that awful stuff into a garment of compassion, kindness and understanding that you wear with such distinction.
    The people around you are blessed

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  13. PS: I have referenced this post on mine today.
    "Arrows and Messages" is a sort of add-on to your Trigger one.
    I hope you find it helpful

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  14. Lynette the answer is never. I also had a childhood with SO much shouting...that as a result I am now a very calm person that does not really "react" to things outwardly...it is difficult to remember to realise that it is often a person's "trigger" that causes them to act the wauy they do but I do try to be kinder than necessary...remembering that everybody has their own struggles...

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  15. I also think that it never goes away. In front of God is probably the safest place to revert back to childhood, isn't it great that He understands us so well! This is why I prefer seeing "difficult" people in their environment, much easier to leave and go home when things get out of hand!

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